Morning Pages. A Way to be Creative.

I create as a way to deal with blue moods. I write, I draw, I paint. Sometimes when it seems that my mood cannot get any blacker I try to remind myself to do a gratitude list. It helps a little. Taking a walk can clear my head and make me appreciate nature's beauty. Depression can really limit creativity. It is hard to be creative when one is engaged in feeling self-reproach and despair. The last thing I created was a little over a week ago. I journal everyday as a way to deal with various feelings. This helps. I am a fan of Julia Cameron's and many years ago I found out about her book "The Artists Way". The book introduced me to a technique called "morning pages" Morning pages are a daily ritual in which you do three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing. The goal is to use the writing to unblock creative impulses. I have been doing it for around ten years. Before doing the pages I had no creative life to speak of. I had no original creative urges. I wrote a little, but with no real consistency. Morning Pages changed all that. Do morning pages decrease blue moods, the kind that have plagued me much of my life? I wish that they did. They do help me to cope by getting in touch with my feelings. Putting it down on paper takes it out of one's head. So I guess that it does help, if only to become aware of the negative thinking and feelings.
I never created original art until I started writing. I did nothing but draw a little, but no original art. Now I can do a number of things that make me creatively productive. I'd like to think that the morning pages did that for me.

A Positive Atitude

The hardest thing about creating in isolation is the fear that you don't know what you are doing and that your work is no good. You never know. You just have to pull something up from inside of you and say "I believe in myself and my work is worthwhile." Some days are very difficult. Everywhere you look there are successful, talented artists. The internet is loaded with artists who have significant talent. Artists who have spent years in school and who are ahead of you. It can be very easy to get down on yourself if you are not careful. Yes, there are people who believe in you, but when you are alone the little voices get inside your head and tell you what a fraud you are. And it requires action on your part if you are not to sink under the wave of self-loathing that these voices generate. I have found that just getting started on something can help. Even if it is just cleaning up your workspace. I discovered this trick long ago. When I was just dreaming about art as a possible career I used to just buy supplies. I did not know how to use them, I knew no artists and examples of good art were not readily available. I grew up in the inner-city and poverty was something I was very familiar with. People did not become artists and I had no knowledge of what good art was. My first exposure to art was in comics. But this was not fine art. It would be a long time before I would learn about the beauty of painting.

Downtime

I have had asthma the last three or four days and I've been laying low. I feel miserable, I hate being sick. I haven't been creating, I am just trying to get well. I have not been able to do much with the blog either, I have been reading about various ways to attract notice to my artwork but so far I haven't done much except join Facebook. I guess Myspace is next.

Work in Progress

A new work is taking shape. I keep reminding myself, it is progress, not perfection. I want to be able to do great work, but I am only able to do what I do. When I was in art school my drawing skills were quite good, however that was a long time ago. As someone who spends a large amount of time alone I am not sure what my best work is anymore. So I do the best I can. One of my favorite writers is SARK, she is very honest about her skills and abilities. She is able to do great artwork and writing because she believes in herself. I am not the greatest draftsman, but I know what little talent I have comes from God. So who am I to judge? It is a balancing act. Some days I believe that, some days I struggle.

Facebook

I joined Facebook a couple of days ago in order to get to know more people. I found that some of my high school classmates were at the site as well. One individual was a girl I knew from junior high school. It's funny, I am not sure that my blog is of interest to others, so I'm not sure how invested I am in spreading the news that it is here. I have been drawing the last few days but I am unsure that it is going anywhere. I am just doing sketches, and I don't know that these will turn into anything else. I have no idea where I am going with this, there is just not much I am interested in at the moment. The Facebook site is great for meeting new people and it takes me away from this blog. I'm not sure how I feel about this. The more time I spend meeting others, the less time I have to work. One thing about being consumed with artwork is that there is little time for others. I just read a quote recently that said: It takes teamwork to make a dream work. And I think this is true. I spend way too much time alone and I have no close friends anymore. Being consumed with art and family takes all of my time. I am not sure that I am ever going to make anything of this blog, it is just not going anywhere. What do I do with it? How do I make others aware of it? A question I ask myself a lot is this worth the time I am putting into it? And a more honest question might be is my art good enough to justify the time I put into it? Could I be doing something better with my time? When I was in art school I left after two semesters because it was clear that there were those who were much better than me. It took me a long time to get over that. My grades were exceptional but I felt no joy in what I was doing, I saw no future in being second best. Now I create because I enjoy it.