A Safe Place

Writing is my safe place. Whenever I am hurting I hurry to my journal and begin to unwind. I don't get overly complicated, I just write. Years ago I read the "Artists Way." It was an eye-opening experience. In the book was a way to express yourself and to be an "artist." I had kept a journal of sorts but never really did it in a disciplined way. I never thought of myself as an artist and still have a hard time using that term, but I did like the idea of a disciplined way of expressing myself. I have depression, so perhaps I have a propensity for emotional unraveling. A journal was perfect for the feelings I didn't know what to do with. A place to be safe with all my complicated thoughts and unwieldy feelings.
Trust is a thing I have a tough time with. Perhaps that is why I go to the written word as a way to express myself. It goes back to childhood when things were too complicated to figure out. Today things are much simpler. I still feel as if I am going to meltdown at times, but it doesn't happen. I just feel as if I might.
I don't know why I have always liked the idea of art, the skill that comes from drawing, painting and sculpting. I liked the idea of creating. In a way it was a safe way to be noticed and occasionally admired. Artists were also in my way of seeing things, special. I know when I began to feel this way. It was the first time I saw a comic strip. It was the first time an aunt drew a silly picture. It was the first time a teacher came over and admired what I had done. To me that was a lot of positive things that happened in a less than perfect time. Art was another safe place for me.

Stirring Things Up

Today is a relatively mild, overcast, winter's day. The sky is full of grey clouds and the forecasters are calling for temperatures in the fifties. Counting down, it is now twenty-seven days 'til spring. Winter has flown by this year. There will be more frigid weather, but the end is in sight.

I have been drawing the last couple of days. There has been a resurgence of creativity after looking at the reasons I create. It seems as if there is something to be said for drawing for fun. When I was a kid I copied the work of many cartoonists. This was a long time before I knew what the definition of a copyright was. I still copy. I draw little pictures of Schulz's Peanuts characters and send them to my grandson. This is good fun. My wife loves Snoopy so I always draw a picture of him dancing for her birthday. A long time ago I remember something Emmylou Harris said about interpreting other artists songs. She said that she was an interpreter of others music. I guess that is how I look at art. I know, it might be a stretch, but when we copy are we stealing, or are we learning? I am not sure.

The drawing is of a pair of red sneakers I have. They will probably be worn until they fall off my feet.

Keeping a Blog

As I mentioned yesterday I have mixed feelings about keeping a blog and wonder the reason for doing it. I started keeping it to interest people in my art but I have come to realize that isn't happening as I don't really generate a lot of art lately. Art has been something that I have done as a way to feel better about myself. It paved the way for me to complete my education some time ago. And to meet people who share my interest in art. Art has helped me in many ways over the years, even as a way to combat depression. Many times I have found myself trying to get through rough times by focusing on art. I As I've gone through periods where relationships have ended a sketchbook has been invaluable. I used my sketchbook as a form of therapy. The first time I got into a juried show did more for me than I can say. It was a precious experience that I will never forget. The idea that my art was good enough to hang in a show was such a kick. When I was in college I met an art professor who I continue to call a friend many years later. Art was the bridge to that relationship.
Iwent to art school for a couple of semesters in order to build my skills. I left art school when I realized that my skills were not good enough to compete with the talent around me. Plus I ended up experiencing an illness that required all my energy at the time. Will I ever go back? I might if there came a time when my ego wasn't as fragile as it was during that period. It is funny, it is now many years since I was in school, but some of those old ideas still can bother me at times.

Finding Inspiration

What is the purpose of a blog? Hopefully it is to educate. Perhaps to amuse. And to entertain. I have begun to ask myself why I do this. Why have I created a blog? I hope it is to create interest in my art. This is why I created this blog. To interest people in my art and to get it out there. But the more I look at it the more I realize that my interest is not so much about art, it is about writing. I like to write. I do not paint as much as I see some people doing. I don't produce a painting every day. Not even once a week. So why do I call myself an artist? It seems a little pretentious. I realize that I create art as a way to increase my self-esteem. I like to say I'm an artist. But I am not sure that I am. I see so much art out there. There are thousands of people out there creating works of art everyday. And some of the work is unbelievable. I cannot believe some of the talent out there. It is incredible. My work cannot hold a candle to some of the masterpieces that show up on the internet. How can people do some of this work? And I think that they do something I don't, they work at it everyday. They create, they practice, they learn. I like to write everyday. I journal every single day at least 2-3 pages. And I think that is what artists do, they work, they put in the effort necessary to show improvement. And honestly, I don't do that. Maybe I have to re-evaluate why I do this blog. Because it is not about art as I once told myself it was going to be about.