Gratitude

Doing a gratitude list on a daily basis to combat depression is a difficult proposition. I have battled depression for the last fifteen years or so and this makes gratitude a demanding pursuit. I heard that some people of the Jewish faith are asked to do a list of 100 things to be grateful for every day. Imagine. Sometimes I can do it. Sometimes it is easier than others. Today I struggled to find 10 or so things that I consider a blessing. Today was my grandson's seventh birthday. I had to drive twenty miles to my daughter's home and the traffic for a Friday afternoon was minimal. There were showers, but they waited 'til I was at my daughter's home. My grandson was well-behaved for the most part and I only said something to correct him one time. He ignored me. I think I must have been the same way when I was seven so it wasn't a big deal. Still, it did irritate me a bit.
Miracles. I have sometimes thought that it is an amazing thing to be here. Life is amazing. I find myself making an effort to thank God for each new day. I am fifty-six years old and it is becoming clear to me that I cannot take anything for granted anymore. I have lost a lot of people to death the last few years and a lot of them were my age. Cancer took a few of them. Others just died for no particular good reason. So being alive is a big deal. It is a miracle. I don't know where I came from and most of the time I am not sure where I am going. I believe in God, but I think that God allows me a lot of free-rein. He doesn't say that you must do this or that to be on my good side. He allows me to get off-course before he does anything. I am diabetic. I gained a lot of weight and had a pretty crappy diet. So I got diabetes. I struggle with the reality that I must eat a certain way and that I must exercise. I don't do it so there will come a time where God is going to rein me in and it will not be in a gentle way. This is my belief system. If I get too far out there, there will be consequences. God is gentle with me and my behavior shows it. Still, like my seven-year-old grandson, I sometimes want to push the envelope.