Check in

Just haven't had much opportunity to write lately, kind of a low period. I have not been creating much either. I took two works down to the place where I sell my work, this has been the extent of my output for the last several months. My depression keeps me from really creating as much as I like and it frustrates me. I wonder how a professional artist does it. I do have an idea for a still-life and I have done a couple of small watercolor sketches which are pleasing. I just received the most recent "Artist's " magazine and there was a wonderful article about scratchboard in it. This is something that Iwould love to try and I would like to visit an art supply and see what I can find that relates to it. My community is not a great place to find art supplies. There is a Michael's and an A.C. Moore, but they probably don't carry what I am looking for. I will have to travel outside my community to find what I am looking for.

Wrestling With Old Demons

An old character defect of mine is allowing myself to get too isolated. Spending too much time alone is old comfortable behavior. There is an old proverb that goes : In order to be a friend one must be friendly. I guess that maybe it begins with picking up the 1000 lb. phone and calling someone. There are people online to talk to, but that means I can get out of an intimate conversation and opening up to someone. Something that I like to avoid. I can talk to my better half and we can have a nice conversation, but sometimes it is good to touch base with one of the guys. Are all guys like this? Getting older can be part of the problem. It is easy to just kick back on the couch and watch tv. No commitments to get together, no talking about more than the everyday stuff. When you get older some things just don't seem as important. Sometimes it is just too easy to avoid talking guy stuff.
I just bought a bike and I am anxious about getting on it. I need to get some exercise and I love to ride. My last bike I dislocated my kneecap when I was getting off it. I ended up in the E.R. in a lot of pain. Since then, every time I get on the bike there is a little part of me that remembers that injury. I have been on the bike a lot of times since that injury, but there is still the nagging fear that it will happen again. I think that I just need to warm up a little before getting on the bike. The last injury happened because I hadn't ridden for awhile and I was out of shape. Sort of like now. I guess I need to learn from that last injury.
Depression is something that I know well. More than I care to admit. It is a comfortable old friend that fits me like a glove. Kind of like the isolation I wrote about, except moreso. Depression is where you can't bring yourself to leave the house. Where everyday is just like the day before. Depression is my disability. My depression keeps me from moving ahead with my life. One gets used to staying at home and vegetating. Grocery shopping is the only time one leaves for the most part. Maybe a thirty minute outing to the library to get more books. Reading memoirs is a way to see how others are leading their lives. Tiring routine.