Priorities

I saw a comic in the "New Yorker" today. The picture showed a young man on the couch spread out with debris all around him. His clearly frustrated father was looking at him and saying, "you really have to get your priorities in order." I did not quite get the comic and thought about getting my own priorities in order. My daughter had called last night and t0ld me that her car was demolished after veering off the road and flipping over. I had today to think about how little I pay attention to her life until a major issue arises. I think that I need to quit doing things that push us apart, and instead, focus on the things that can bring us closer. She was okay after the crash but only to the degree that you can be okay from walking away from a serious crash unharmed. There are the images that continue to haunt you in dreams and the body aches that tell you something major has occurred and the body is not quite right. Trauma.

Fifteen years ago I was the victim of a random act of violence. I suffered for years after the event and still do in some respects. I never really got over it. Certain things influence my moods. Just hearing about my daughter's accident made me so grateful that she came out of it relatively unscathed. But there are still the things that you don't walk away from. The thought that it may happen again. Life is unpredictable. My event left me feeling that God had somehow left me down, Where was He? And would He allow this to happen again? Questions that have no answer. Life is unpredictable. My little drawing reminds me that I must plot a new course and focus on moving on as best as one can.

I am getting better at inserting images into my blog. This one only took a few minutes. I did this image as a bookmark. I use up the scraps of watercolor paper since the costs are so crazy for a sheet of 22 by 30 Arches watercolor paper. Besides, it is just fun to do a picture for the heck of it...

Finding Inspiration

The last few days have been about finding inspiration for a work. Sometimes it is so difficult to find ideas when you have an internal voice saying that your work is not valid and therefore it will do no good to search for new material. Van Gogh said that if someone has doubts about their validity as an artist, the solution is to start a painting. That seems like good advice. I did a still life of shells, starfish and driftwood, rendered in pencil. It was a success, but there is nothing around the studio for another work.
I picked up an "American Artist" publication about artists studios. A great magazine. I think thar one reason that I started drawing was the joy I got from viewing other artists spaces and the materials they use. When I was a kid I remember going to an art-supply store and seeing pastels for the first time. I was amazed at the color of each pastel stick. The color red especially spoke to me. I wanted to see how these worked, I had no idea how artists created their work, and it would be a long time before I used pastels.
I have a hard time continuing this blog. As far as I know no one even visits it, so why bother? What is my motivation for continuing? I had to go out yesterday to visit a support group of others who share my disability. I went there, but could not get out of the car. Part of my reluctance about creating is that I create in isolation. And it is easy to get lost in the idea that none of this matters. No one cares if I create or not. Why bother? Isolation can create feelings of alienation and depression that are hard to contest when alone. All that one can do to escape feelings is to get outside. The dog needs to go out, so I will sign off. Until later.
All that one can d

Countdown

I noticed that another artist did self-portraits every day on her blog. What a great idea. I can't imagine doing this, there is just not that much discipline in me. I probably do one work a week. These are five by seven inches and eight by ten inches. I do more work in the winter and fall. Spring is my favorite season and I started a ritual that makes winter go a little more quickly. I do a countdown, counting down the days 'til Spring. Today there is one hundred and twenty-three days left 'til the first day of Spring. To me once I am below a hundred days things begin to look a little more optimistic. Perhaps it is a strange ritual, but it gives me hope.

Creativity for Life

There has been little creativity at home the last couple of weeks and no new works are in progress. What do "ordinary people" do to get the creative juices flowing? I did a bunch of bookmarks to just keep busy and this was fun. These are just little inspirational sayings of watercolor and pen and ink. I did about 10-12 of them and though I don't consider them art per se they do make me feel as if the creative juices are flowing.

My image of the sun is how I draw depression. The proverb reminds me that though my depression seems as if it is going to go on forever, it has an end. I may not see it, but it is there. There is a famous line that goes: This too shall pass. Right now this feels like a platitude, nevertheless, it is true.

New work

Just finished a four by six inch little drawing about patience. One of the things that often bothers me is my work ethic. I finish a small drawing about every three weeks. I work small so that I am guaranteed to complete a work. Even my ability to complete a work does not free me from a lot of regret. I think that there should be more work. It should be more practiced, more exceptional. One of the things that I deal with as someone who is disabled is a lot of self-recrimination. There is a lot of time spent feeling sorry for myself. If I were Jules Feiffer I could write a cartoon on the subject. I am pretty hard on myself. I don't know why I spend so much time feeling sorry for myself. I guess that for someone with a major disability that is about depression this is just the way things are. But it is not pleasant just the same. Today is a beautiful day. Focus on that. Focus on the fact that God chose to wake me up this morning. Thank God for the air in my lungs. The text of my completed drawing is: The remedy against bad times is to be patient with them. An Arab proverb. Focus on that. I have learned that if I can just focus on gratitude I can make it through the day.