Coursera

Man

Many years ago I started the Artists Way Morning Pages. This is one of the pages, my version. I do 4 eight and a half by eleven pages every day. Sometimes I do more. Sometimes I do less. Most of the time, it's four pages. I started taking a Coursera class this week. Coursera is free college courses online. I submitted this drawing as my way of showing how I  keep a sketchbook.It was our first assignment. The course is called Live! An art history course for artists, animators, and gamers. It is being offered by by Cal Arts, the art school Disney created, if my memory serves me correctly. I just finished my first week. I believe there are about eight weeks to go.
     I am middle-aged, approaching old age.  I am intimidated by this whole process. Many of the students are in their twenties. I understand the basics of this whole experience but find myself overwhelmed by the sheer number of words students use to communicate a point. I get lost and find the whole point gets lost. I don't know, maybe I am just old.
    

PTSD First Aid Kit

I started Chagall's world some years ago as a result of an injury that immobilized me emotionally..A head trauma. I have always used art as a way to heal from injuries that screwed me up emotionally. I had a lot of flashbacks from the trauma. And I started  Chagall's World. A couple of years ago I met someone who was able to put to rest some of the trauma. I had developed a need for a recovery program because of a much expanded world. I started going to recovery meetings. The more things I did, the more the memories of the trauma returned. I didn't understand triggers. I just did not understand in it's simplest form a trigger is just an unpleasant feeling. Very simple for me. My head injury made it very difficult to process instructions. I didn't understand compulsion,  which is basically the brain's way of calming itself. . A compulsion is the brain calming itself. Trying to soothe the memories and feelings in a quick way. The feelings associated with a trigger. An unpleasant memory that unleashes feelings that we want to get rid of. A compulsion occurs, the brain wants to shut down everything-fast. The fastest way is with a substance or a very startling act. Something much stronger than the feelings and memories. An act can be something like alcohol, sex, drugs.  Something to shut everything out. This is how addicts are born. At least that was what happened to me.
     I made a  first aid kit that helps me. Maybe it is that I have such a hard time processing instructions. It took me months to understand triggers. And please, this is my way of processing. Everyone's different.This seems to work for me though.  I made these explanations up because I could not read and understand.  I couldn't understand what people were trying to say to me.
       When I am trying to calm down the images and thoughts and feelings I must get grounded. So I write. And write And write. Until  I get the crap all out. I noticed a lot of time  I don't even see the intrusive images coming. They come so fast I can totally miss them.They don't tell me I am in trouble. A lot of people in recovery from addiction relapse because these traumatic memories start to come and they totally miss them. They are traumas that occurred in the past. The  things we started drinking over.  I could not understand how fast something could come at me in terms of old painful traumas. I started realizing I needed to calm down to process. I made my first aid kit which helps get me grounded and avoid panic. It is a little Altoids metal box. It addresses my sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing, and sight. All my senses. It grounds me when I am panicked. . I have an ipod that fits in the box, this is for hearing. I listen to calm music. I keep a small container of nutmeg in the container. This is to get my sense of smell in the here and now. It is a powerful smell. For taste I usually taste the nutmeg as well, it is bitter. For touch I have my recovery chip. It is bronze and smooth plus it is has a lot of texture in the form of raised lettering. Finally, the most important thing for me is a small piece of paper, a note that reminds me of my mother. There are words of encouragement. She has been gone for some time, but when I read, I get grateful. I remember what she tried to do for me. This works for me. I have a small, very bright colored pencil drawing on the opposite side. There are verses from the Bible. The paper is only 2 by 3 inches but a lot goes on it to inspire me about my recovery. This is my sight page.  Sight... Touch... Hearing... Taste... Smell... This grounds me. I can focus.
      All these things are in one little box so I don't forget anything. I always carry a little note pad. Memories come fast. I have a pen-all the time.
     My head injury made things very difficult. I have twenty-seven years free from alcohol this New Year's Eve. My head injury occurred 18 years ago and it has taken me this long to undersand in my mind what a trigger is. And what a compulsion is. Recovery is a life time process. God bless. Dale

Using Art to Face Your Worst Fears.

It seems to me that when we run into difficulty with a new medium we soon  give up if there isn't any real progress. Progress can be found in the affirmation of others. It is important that those we go to with our creations are those who are safe. We don't go to those who are going to reject our early efforts, unless we are quite sure that is what we are looking for. There are benefits to criticism I suppose, though personally I have found very little to say for the benefits of criticism. In my experience it benefits us to find someone safe. Someone who will be the kind of person who will support a dream. If we have a dream, it is important to find those that will nurture it. If you are looking for critical appraisal of your work, be sure that your self-esteem is capable of handling it.And be sure that you know that person very well and that their motives are clear. You want an appraisal, not someone's opinion of how they feel about art. It is a very important distinction.
     I have been drawing since I was about four. I'm almost sixty. When I look at my work I am critical. I spent about three months in art school. I left because: I was insecure. I didn't make friends easily. I was intimidated by those with lots of talent. And I got an attitude when I was given a negative evaluation. This is another reason to be sure of yourself when you approach someone who may be evaluating your life's work. What do you want from art? Is is just a passing fancy? Are you serious about it? Can you accept that where you are at this moment, that there are probably  going to be those better than you? Art for me is not a job. It is about a tie to someone I respected a great deal and who got me through some tough, very tough times. She taught me that art was a way for me to feel feelings and to be happy. IT IS NOT ABOUT SUCCESS. It is about, at least for me,  getting through some of the darkest periods of my life. It is about surviving in tough times and sticking with something. Everyone is different. This is my philosophy.
     The crucial thing about launching your first project: Be sure you are going to succeed. Don't paint the Sistine Chapel. Do something very simple. Be proud of it. Maybe even frame it. Make sure,unless you like challenges where you may fail, to do something easy. This goes with any project. Anything in life. Start small, build on success, and don't give up. If you have early success you are more likely to try again. I was almost forty before I went to my dad and got his blessing to make a career in the arts. Sounds ridiculous perhaps. Forty years old one should be firmly established in their career. Not me. I was just beginning to try something I wanted all my life. I did not do failure well. I did not take big career risks. I had success in art but like many artists I had a boatload of problems that I needed to resolve first.
     Rejection. As I write this I am thinking about those who are going to be critical of what I am doing. I am writing about feeling happy at reaching sixty and doing something you have been proud to call your life. It is not necessarily about art. It is about saying, I have been successful. If you want money the arts may not be the answer. If you want a problem-free life, art may not be the answer. Just find that thing that makes you feel a close connection to the Universe. Big U. You don't need to be religious. I'm not. But I believe in God. I know Something made me.Who this Something is I have no idea. I don't know why I am here. No idea. All I know is that Something loves me, has always watched out for me, and has always kept me alive. I have had broken bones, I've been divorced, I have been poor, I was a high-school drop out, and I was almost killed by someone who wanted to hurt me for a reason I do not understand. I am used to rejection. And in the arts you may get things that happen to you where you question the benevolence of God. But that is the price of growing old and sometimes doing things that sometimes fly in the face of logic. I lost a marriage when I realized my spiritual gifts were not the same as another person's gifts. It ended very badly and I sometimes regret my decision. Taking a risk may mean that someone will eventually not like you very much. You WILL be rejected. Vincent Van Gogh lost  his mind and realized that this life he made for himself might not have been the best thing. He was, I believe, almost forty years old when he passed away. As an artist he was rejected all his life. I have had periods where I lost my sanity. Only that still voice inside me got me through it, and many, many caring people. People I did not know.They helped me for reasons that I am not sure I understand. M. Scott Peck wrote the "Road Less Traveled."  When he was young he wrote that he chose to go into a psychiatric ward. It was a decision he made because he was being asked to make a decision that he could not live with. He eventually became an M.D. I decided that I would go into a psychiatric unit when I was twenty-seven. My mother had just died of cancer, my brother was extremely mentally ill, and I questioned my own sanity. It was one of the best things I ever did. I faced the thing that scared me the most at the time, going insane. I know rejection. Admitting that you struggle with fear to a person that has the power to change your life is terrifying. Especially when you have a family member with your worst fear.
   I have written a lot. I struggle with what I've written. Yet when I got older I stopped being so afraid. There is a Zen saying: If you want to get over discouragement, encourage others. My wife may have cancer. It was a thing that put me in a psychiatric unit when I was twenty seven when my mother died of cancer. Life has a way of testing our resolve. You see, as I said earlier, art is about getting through difficult times. I became a writer of sorts when I battled depression, my fears. Writing is an art, drawing is an art, learning to get through life is somewhat of an art. Winston Churchill said: "Never give up. Never give up Never give up." The president of my college said that when I graduated when I was almost forty. I had been a high-school dropout. Yet, I went to college and graduated with a two year degree. . You can do anything. Never give
up. God bless. Dale

Sgraffito

Natalie Goldberg in her book, "Writing Down the Bones" said that if we want to learn something, to teach it.This is not the first time I have heard this. So I did a second sgraffito work after I finished the first and had some success with it. I am not sure if this is legitimately sgraffito because I used scratchboard and layered color pencils over the top of it. I wanted color and I wanted a layer of white underneath the color. The composition was just me laying in a simple drawing with no clear design. There are no rules for the most part, though the design is asymmetrically balanced I think because it seems to hang together pretty well. Asymmetrical balance simply means that the elements of design are off center, but the brain perceives it as being balanced overall. There are three tulips, a sun, and two clouds.  If there was three clouds and three tulips, and no sun this would be symmetrical balance. It is perfectly balanced with equal numbers of clouds and tulips. It seems to me when I was in school that this was easier to explain. Perhaps diagrams would make it less confusing.  OOO is a balanced composition, or symmetrical. OXO is unbalanced, or asymmetrical. If you used a diagram like OXO, this could be seen as asymmetrical, because not all the elements are not the same but the brain still sees it as balanced. I had the opportunity to be a counselor some years ago and I found that teaching was the most rewarding thing I ever did. I hope that my explanation makes sense to those reading this.
     I used three types of scratching devices to do the composition. I used a scratch awl which is a device to make small holes in wood. It is often used by picture framers. I used a dental tool that I bought from ebay and I used an xacto knife with a # 11 blade. The drawing is done on six inch by six inch Ampersand scratch board covered with colored pencils. I have several pieces of scratchboard left, they come in packages of three in this case.  My next attempt will probably be to find out how to lay in colors like red and yellow.  It seems to me that Youtube is a much better way to do these demonstrations, but my equipment is limited. I hope this is helpful for anyone starting out in sgraffito and scratchboard. Good luck with your art. God bless. Dale    

Scratchboard # 1

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy,  peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22.

     I did this because I wanted to do something to snap me out of a dark place. Someone close to me is very sick and I'm having a tough time trusting in a positive outcome. So I create. It's not high art, but the word says it all: I find joy in creating. The time spent was not much but the results were pleasing. Art can be a way to forget that the world and its problems are sometimes overwhelming and no clear resolution is coming. I have been dealing with this problem for almost fourteen years and some associated  bad memories go back farther than that. This is my way of saying that I need God in my life and I need the joy he provides when I create.

     I did this on a six inch by six inch piece of scratchboard. The manufacturer is Ampersand. Scratchboard is a board with white clay on it and a layer of dense black ink over top of it. I used a dental tool that I bought from ebay for the scratch technique. The lines are ragged, this is the second or third time I have tried this media. I am very happy with the results because I was able to capture what I wanted to say. The work took about fifteen or twenty minutes. For me technique and time spent are secondary to the feeling I am trying to capture. Years ago I spent up to eight hours on a drawing. Today I wanted to get the stench of the hospital off of me and just pretend that everything was going to be okay. My attempt worked. I lost an aunt many years ago and she taught me that the simplest pictures could create the greatest joy. It is not about the time or effort you put into a painting, it is about capturing the innocence of play. It is about doing something new to forget that there are things that are out of your control. Learning to love what you do is the secret. Just being happy that once, sometimes a long time ago, someone gave you a gift. The ability to laugh during a time of hardship for just a moment or two. I did sgraffito for the first time this year and I laughed the whole time I did it. Find the thing that brings you joy. The Bible calls these things the fruit of the spirit. Art is associated with my joyful, childlike spirit. God bless you during this holiday period. And always remember that you are a gift. Art is a gift. You are a gift. Thanks for your presence. Dale 

Art as a Gift.

Christmas is almost here and my creativity has been low. I have a work to do for someone and family concerns have made it a problem. Sometimes in our dreams of achieving success with our work we can forget the bigger picture. Family comes first and work takes a back seat. This can be frustrating because creating a work of art is not like producing widgets. This art thing is part of us and it reflects who we are. At least it does me. When I paint well and I send it out to someone it always reflects my feelings about the person. Each artist does the best they know how and they have a goal of making the world a better place. It may not be high art, but it is unique and one of a kind. Once I was sketching at a local lake and someone walked up to me and excitedly said, are you an artist? I was tired and overworked and said, no. Many years later and I still think about this event. Some people look at art as a gift, it is special. I know it is, but sometimes I can forget what a spiritual blessing it is for me. And for others. If you believe in God, there is a tendency to see, as I do, that you have been created to make the world a better place. This is a philosophy that has come from many years of sacrifice. At one point I gave up a long term relationship because I realized that the other person's values had diverged from mine. If you are an artist, think long and hard about the kind of people that you invest your life with. Art for me is not a hobby or even a calling. It is an integral part of who I am. I put my partner ahead of my art, but it is a choice I make because I am able to make that commitment. Some can't. I can give myself to another person, but this came when I realized that this person appreciated my gift and knew how I could not easily separate from it. I wasn't forced to make a choice. Stay well and have a safe holiday season. God bless. Dale