Check in

I have been running a lot this week, I haven't had the energy to do much inside. I did set down and drew a little, but there was nothing that I felt good about. I just don't feel as if I am making any headway. I was at the library this morning and one of the librarians who is familiar with my work asked where I get my inspiration from. I told her that it is mostly books. After I left I had some time to reflect on this. I think that almost all my work comes from books in the form of quotes. Sometimes I go to the local Target and look at greeting cards. The different things I see sometimes inspire me to try different things. I have been trying to get my work into various card companies for the last couple years. So far, no luck. But I have not given up. I wonder if I did this as a job what would happen. Would I starve to death?

I have been disabled for eleven years now. I was the victim of a random act of violence that landed me in intensive care and put me in the hospital for a month or so. Art has kept me from going off the deep end at times. Sometimes I think what a waste my life is when I am down on myself. I can get really depressed. Sometimes I need to remind myself that it is a one day at a time thing. I had an appointment with my eye doctor today and he asked me why I was on disability. I just said it was my health and let it go at that. I felt like I was being judged. One might wonder what this has to do with anything. And I am not sure. Perhaps the thing that put me in the hospital keeps me from really trying anything new. Keeps me from taking risks. And I think there is some truth to this.

Atomic Warehouse

I went to the Art of the State on the 19th. My daughter and grandson went with me. We had a good time, though when my grandson was asked what work he enjoyed the best, he replied "None." It seems the things I enjoy are not necessarily the things he enjoys. My daughter took me to a store after the show called the Atomic Warehouse. It was full of things from the fifties, sixties and seventies. All sorts of neat things like fashion from the seventies, old records, and old furniture. I found a sterling silver pen nib holder which I thought was so neat. I do a lot of pen and ink work so I decided it would help me creatively-a nice rationalization. Still, it was a neat thing that was inexpensive and it was very well balanced. The other holders I have are made of plastic and wood. I have this idea that if I have good equipment I will do good work. When I was younger I read an article that said if you are going to be a professional that you should buy professional products. This made sense to me and I have always followed this advice. I know that it doesn't follow that if you use professional materials that you will do professional work, but it doesn't hurt to use the best materials that are available. Colors are brighter, paper will hold up to erasing, pens will last for years and years. I replace parts on my Rapidograph pen regularly, but the pen itself has been with me for years. I hate to think of replacing it. I use Winsor & Newton watercolors almost exclusively. The paper that I enjoy using the most is handmade in France.

Drawings

I am having a tough time posting new works on my blog, things keep getting screwed up. I spent the last week or so working on drawings, just for a change of pace. Ilove to draw but I am not necessarily that good at it. Still, I have always tried to get better at it.

Hebrew Proverb

A new work finished on September 4th. The lettering is a little better than previous few pieces, but still the flaws are noticeable. I sometimes wonder if I am heading in the wrong direction. I chose the quote for obvious reasons, I want to get better at lettering. Sometimes I pick up little framed calligraphy pieces at a local thrift store. The writing is flawless on these little pieces and I wonder how the artist developed such good writing . I am left-handed and traditional calligraphy is generally geared to the right-hander. So I am trying to develop something that is my own style. I just don't have the patience to do traditional lettering. To some this may sound like a cop-out but I just haven't had much luck with trying to learn left-handed calligraphy. I met an artist who was great at it at a local festival and asked her if she gave lessons. She said she doesn't teach lefties. So I have been teaching myself .

Rejection

I was a little hesitant to post my entry on September 1st, it was embarrassing to admit that I experienced a real letdown with my art and myself as the creator. I had to think about what rejection means to me. And I thought about the greeting card ideas I have submitted that were turned down by card companies. I really had a tough time with these rejections. So much so that it took a long time to submit more ideas. I have been reading a book about dealing with frustrations and in the book it said that next to physical injury and major loss of resources, rejection is the toughest thing that we have to deal with as individuals. That sounded hard to believe, but anyone that has gone through adolescence can admit that there may be a grain of truth to this. It made me feel better to realize that I am not alone when it comes to rejection.

A Thick Skin

Do you ever face an emotional issue and find that you are lousy at dealing with it? I had that happen with my art this week and I had a meltdown. I was hoping to see someone and be recognized for my presence as the "artist" Instead I was totally ignored, my presence was not even acknowledged. I was really offended that I wasn't even noticed. I am old enough to have developed a thick skin when it comes to rejection, so why did this hurt so much? I have been selling my work for quite a while and figured that I had faced all the obstacles an artist faces early in his art experience. But I was wrong. I was so upset that I questioned why I was doing art.Why do I create? I know that my work is still amateurish and probably will never be collected.I like to draw. I like to paint. I like the "idea" of being an artist. But I never thought that being rejected would hurt. I guess I was wrong. I do the blog thing because I would like to write more about a subject that I truly love. Art is incredible. And perhaps that is why I do it. But I think that there is a part of me that will never get used to rejection of me and my work. And perhaps I need to develop a thicker skin towards those who don't really care about me and my art.