Do Not Be Anxious About Tomorrow: Matthew 6:34

I keep this little sign on my computer. As often as I look at it one would think it would sink in. The last few days I have thought about the cost of chasing this dream. A creative life. No one seems to care that I do this and tonight I am tired and I am not sure that I care myself. There is an important reason for sharing Christ's message. He gave me life. He gave me the incentive to share silly little pieces of art that for some reason used to bring me joy. It is my way of expressing myself and my inner vision. Today it seems that it is all just an ego-promoting proposition. The last few days it seems that I have spent a lot of time in thought about this. What does the future hold? Where am I going? People do not seem to care about art. And if no one cares, why do it? What purpose does it serve?
     My disability was the reason I started doing this. At least it started out that way. What is my motivation now? Why do I create? Why do I spread the word of Christ? Christ exists. Romans 10:13 says if we are to be saved, we are to call on the name of the Lord. Lord, I need you. Help me. Show me where to go from here. I believe in you and I know that you gave me a life that has bounced back from a darkness that threatened to destroy me.
Thomas Kincaide was someone who seemed to have everything. Yet, he was also an alcoholic and a relapse took his life. I have one of Kincaide's books. As a younger artist he had a simple vision. When did it get so unmanageable? When did it become an ego-promoting vision? I know a little bit about the illness that produces an alcoholic. I saw it in my own family. It has been almost twenty-six years since I had a drink. I saw what it did to my family growing up. With God's grace I have chosen not to drink. I am an alcoholic.
     My point is that sometimes our motives start out good but we get lost. Spreading Christ's message is a good one. But if it becomes just a way to further one's ambitions, it is not a good thing. Norman Vincent Peale used to say if a thing is wrong, it can never be right. How does one begin to evaluate one life direction?  And the reason one does something? Thomas Kincaide was, I believe, fifty-four years old when he lost his battle with alcoholism. I saw original works of his right here in my community. He was extraordinarily prolific. I am not talking about how he got off track and traveled down a dead-end path, but in my own life I saw how I  became obsessed with an idea to achieve something. And I forgot that originally I just started sharing something that brought me closer to God. I am after all just one of God's kids. And I found that with some paint and a pen  and a brush I could express that part of me... Thank you for being a part of this journey. Some days it seems that there are no easy answers.  God bless you. Dale