Friday, June 14, 2013

Gratitude

I have been reading a book on gratitude and the author suggests some steps to take to improve an individual's thankfulness. One suggestion is to be specific as possible. Rather than say my father did a great job of  raising me, try saying he  offered me advice only when I asked, he worked at giving me praise, and for making sure that I knew that he was proud of the ways I took care of responsibilities promptly. Another suggestion, offer a number of sentences of detail. Rather than say, I am grateful for God. Say that I woke up this morning and the sun was shining and the air was mild and I had a phenomenol night's sleep and I had the sense that God had created this  wonderful day just for me. The more concrete and detailed we make our praise the more likely we are to remember it. One individual had offered his testimony in the book and he admitted he had made some terrible mistakes and that he had no idea what the future held for him. Neverthless, he said that he had a motto in life, expect nothing, appreciate everything.
     I went through a period of my life that was filled with deep depression and a perpetual sense of darkness. As a result, I would often do long gratitude lists.  I had heard that certain Jewish groups have to do a list of 100 things they are grateful for. The first time I attempted this I struggled over the list a long time. Later attempts were much easier. Gratitude lists become easier with practice. One thing I noticed was how little relief they offered me. The idea of being specific and in depth offers me a bit of hope that my exercises in gratitude can improve. When I discussed my Dad's parenting style, this made me smile. My Dad passed some years ago and it is good to think about his efforts to be a good father. When I was sixteen he attempted to build my siblings and I a go-kart. He had problems with the clutch and the attempt showed how much he cared for his children. When the go-kart experiment did not work out he went out and bought my brother's and I a small motorcycle. Although he struggled with a large family he often paid attention to improving our lives whenever he could.
     Gratitude journals have always been hard for me. It was only on the worst days that I could bring myself to do one. As someone who was often the recipient of advice on how to improve my attitude while dealing with illness, gratitude was not easy. I felt singled out for harsh treatment by my creator. I thought it was unfair that I struggled with illness and injury all my life. I needed to be reminded that my siblings were not as fortunate as I . My illnesses carried the mixed blessings of being offered more than my fair share of attention. I became an artist, as many do, because of my many significant periods alone. Robert Louis Stevenson was often sickly and it was his  long periods of convalescence that gave him the opportunity to write his stories and poetry. So it has become clear to me as Twila Paris the Christian singer once said, "gratitude can be as simple as perspective." I became an artist because of illness. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote "Treasure Island" because he fought a long term illness as well.
      I have finally  made it through my long period of depression. Looking back, many gratitude lists certainly helped.  Socializing helped. Religion helped. Art helped. I am much more grateful today. I wake up in the morning without any dread of facing a new day.Previously, there were days when I saw no hope. I posted a sign where I could see it that read, you shall be secure, because there is hope. (Job 11:18). I constantly relied on the fact that the only thing I had was hope. There is an old saying that says we are to not give up five seconds before the miracle happens. Gratitude is a definite bonus in times of uncertainty. The lesson seems to have been for me to use every trick that you can manage to stay positive. Even  when it seems that positives are hard to come by. And to remember something that one of Abraham Lincoln's advisors told him during one of his darkest hours: " This too shall pass." Stay positive. Dale

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