Rejoice in the Day

This is a very old drawing but the watercolor treatment is new. I found this work as I was going through an old portfolio and decided to salvage it. I was told that the colors looked like a poster from the seventies. The idea was based on a framed drawing I once had. The idea of each day being a new celebration of life is tough for me. Sometimes I wonder why I like this Psalm so much because generally speaking, being positive does not come easy. And this Psalm is certainly positive. Every day is new and we are to be glad for it. Imagine celebrating every day. Thanking God for giving us a new day of life. No matter how crummy I feel I try to  thank God for a new day of life.  That is when I think to talk to Him. Sometimes just rushing headlong into the day keeps me from thanking Him. It is tough to talk to whatever power we think made us when there is so much to do. It took me years of drawing variations of this picture before I suddenly realized that it was a gift to be alive. For a long time I didn't feel that way... And I still feel that way at times, especially when I allow resentments to build up.  

New Work

I did this little drawing last Sunday. It is five by seven inches. It is a watercolor and pen and ink drawing. I cut the mat for it and assembled the frame. Sometimes I cut the glass. This time a friend who is a picture framer gave me a good deal on five by seven glass. Many years ago I worked for her and she taught me to cut mats, cut glass, assemble frames and do T-hinges. Everything I needed to assemble my own artwork. She supplied the matboard for this picture, it is Ph neutral.. My paints are Winsor & Newton watercolors. My watercolor paper is Arches. The tape I use to make my T-hinges is Ph neutral. The picture, God willing, will last a lifetime. I use a Rapidograph pen by Koh-I-Noor. It is a #0.  Recently someone suggested that I donate my work to various organizations to allow them to use them as they see fit. I used to sell my work for a short period but the shop went out of business.

New Life

This painting has been sitting on my easel for a couple of years. It is mixed-media, consisting of colored tissue paper and acrylic paint. My work is considered expressionistic, my subjective response to a flower in this particular case.
     I worked on the painting yesterday after having a particularly bad day. I turned on my ipod and set to work.During the day I was ashamed of myself for some behavior that I found unacceptable. As the second child in a family of ten children and the firstborn son, I tend to be very hard on myself. It is a cultural thing I suppose.  I struggle with depression because I can never live up to my unreasonable expectations of myself. I'm a perfectionist and I don't allow myself a lot of leeway for mistakes. The day before yesterday was just one of those days where I had a lot of internal dialogue about what a screw-up I was... By the time I was finished I had convinced myself that there was no way out. I had screwed up too badly. I was really depressed. I was convinced there was no hope for me. I won't share what I did. Each of us has our own particular way of hurting ourselves. Some of us drink. (I used to do this.) Some smoke. (I used to do this.) If you are a guy there is a tendency to punch objects. I used to this until I once hit a wall and there was a stud behind it. I used to overeat. Ad nauseum. Suffice it to say my particular way of addressing my disappointment in myself was particularly stupid. After I vented my spleen I took my dog for a walk. I worked on my painting and talked to my wife for an hour. I worked on my journal and made matters worse for a little while. There is a quote that goes: Nothing interferes with creativity and good judgement more than bearing grudges. I was angry at some people who I felt had wronged me. I was angry at someone who told me that my behavior was bad and not the other persons. As someone who doesn't allow himself mistakes, this was particularly hard to swallow.
     The painting is called New Life. It is about starting over after really screwing up. It might be finished, I'm not sure. I have always blamed my past for the fact that my life is currently screwed up. It was my parents fault. That doesn't fly so well when both your parents have been gone for some time and you are getting pretty long in the tooth. In other words, I've been around long enough to know better. I have no one to blame but myself for my failures.
   Life is a learning experience. The next day I was really relieved that I did not do something irreversible. I did not drink. I did not smoke. I did not take my disappointment out on my wife. I went for a walk. I prayed and asked for help with the squirrelly behavior. I worked on this absolutely horrible painting. And then I went to bed. And the next day my attitude was entirely different. Someone very wise once said, stop beating yourself up. We are all living under grace and we all do the best we can. Sometimes it is so hard to remember this....  Dale

Using Art For Healing Trauma

Just an experiment. For some reason I couldn't find my picture files. Eventually they were located. I have found that if I don't write down every step of the posting a picture process, I will lose the steps and then have many frustrating moments trying to put them back together. It is difficult to say if this is part of growing old or my head injury. I have a sign on my desktop that says: Remember, never give up hope! Recovery is possible!
     Is it really possible to recover from head trauma? How much can you repair and how much is lost forever? A friend who has known me a very long time said that I changed after the injury. My thoughts were not the same. I became more separate from my mind. There was a gulf there that could not be bridged. 
Head trauma is frightening. There is the fear that more and more of ones's identity will be lost. Medications help and hinder. Depression is a constant companion. Anger pushes people away. It is frustrating trying to communicate what one is feeling when feelings are a novelty. What might have been a very intimate acquaintance with ones's feelings may suddenly feel like they are someone else's. I spent years in recovery trying to make sense of my emotions. Rage was a constant companion. Eventually this abated. But it pushed people away and alienated them in the meantime. How do you tell the people you love that the irrational behavior you just engaged in was just a response to your brain injury? How do you believe it yourself? And what do you tell yourself when it feels like you are going insane?

      Art is meditation. And it helps you calm down. It centers you when you feel as if you have no center. Art is going to another place inside you. Current theory says that art uses a section of the brain that is not as often accessed. When I suffered my head injury I discovered that I was much more creative as time went on. Not at first. Too much harm had been done. But the brain is amazing, it rebuilds itself through what some consider play. Colors, shapes, lines, strange words that pop out of nowhere and you have no memory of ever have used before.It is like taking a journey to a place that you've never been to before...

All the Things We Achieve Are Things We Have First Of All Imagined.

I found this in my files and it shouldn't be there. Someone wise told me you shouldn't use the words "should" and "shouldn't." There is a recovery saying that goes: Never should on yourself. All my life I wanted to be an artist. I am able to do a little. I have a very small amount of talent. It is an amazing thing when you get the chance to experience a lifelong dream. Art school was an experience that taught me I could do most anything I set my mind to. Lately I have been creating a lot. I hope to post a few pieces in the next couple of days. Art has always helped me to do the things I "shouldn't" have been able to do. I was a high school dropout. I left at the beginning of the tenth grade because of ongoing issues at home that I was too immature to resolve. Eventually I was able to get my equivalency diploma. I went to college and met a wonderful teacher who encouraged me to follow my  heart and go to art school. I did not graduate. I have always had health problems. And my health suffered with the stress of school. I eventually want back to college and graduated. I learned that with my art training I was a much better student, much more rounded. All the things I learned in art school helped me with my coursework. For a long time I felt like a failure because I did not finish my art education. I came to realize that art is only one thing I do and I'm capable of doing many things.

Moving Forward

I look at this birdbath every day as I walk my dog. I have been wanting to make a painting of it but most of the time I just keep my journal. It seems as if there is not much time for painting anymore.  I worked on an old painting yesterday after someone asked to see some of my work. I liked the drawing but I was not happy with the watercolor treatment. So I repainted it. I like it, but I am unsure as to whether others will see the same thing. A lot of my work is religious, and the painting that I reworked was Psalm 118:24 : Rejoice in the day and be glad in it, for this is the day God has made.  Not everyone believes as I do. I try my  best to try not to offend others with my beliefs. I remember some of the letters that the cartoonist Charles Schulz received. Some people were really upset with his cartoons that used the Bible as subject matter. It was quite a lesson to see that not everyone sees the Bible as a humorous subject. I read a joke the other day from a book of illustrations and basically it said the Bible is one of the very few books without a joke in it. I guess I had never really thought about it. 
     This photo is not especially good but that is the wonderful thing about painting, it removes all the flaws. I ordered an old Photoshop Elements 6 program and a couple of books on how to operate it. My computer is very old, my camera very cheap. I am not sure if this will work. I want to use some of my photos for paintings. We will see how things progress.
     In another life I would have been an art teacher. Terry Miller, the graphite artist,  has a blog named Pencil Shavings and he is always teaching. Stephen Quiller is one of my favorite artists and he is a great teacher as well. The bird bath photo is symmetrical I think, although I photographed the birdbath to the right  of center Symmetry refers to the idea that things are evenly balanced in a picture. Assymetry is a device in a paintings composition that allows for a more pleasing picture. The two sides are not evenly balanced and therefore create a more pleasing picture.
      .Shades of green are primarily the dominant colors in the photo so it would be a painting with an analogous color scheme. Analogous refers to the fact that three colors are adjacent to one another on the color wheel. Green, yellow green and blue green would be analogous colors. If you understand a little bit about color complements, it means that if you mixed the complement of green you would end up with a grey. The complement of green is red. So mixing green and red together you get grey. This would serve as the color of the birdbath. A complementary color arrangement refers to the fact that two colors are opposite one another on a color wheel. Examples are red-green, yellow-purple and blue-orange. These colors complement one another when they are used in a color scheme. When mixed together a neutral is created like grey.  I hope that others find art as interesting as I do. It has always been a source of pleasure.  I hope that this is not boring; Of my  favorite classes in art school, color theory was by far my favorite. Dale

Do Not Be Anxious About Tomorrow #2

Here is version #2. The letters have all fit on one line. I am not as happy with the watercolor rendering. Yesterday's was much freer, looser. The lettering is better but it still has a long way to go. I love the lettering of Edward Gorey. It is so fluid. I am not sure why I never seem to get it. Gorey had such a way with lettering. I can do it, but I don't necessarily like the results. Watercolor is wonderful. I don't paint wet on wet, I don't like it. I prefer to just move the paint around 'til I get what I want. I will never be a fine artist. I just don't like to draw. Instead I like the feel of my Rapidograph pen and the handling of my # 5 watercolor brush. I like to just try to create something that makes me smile and makes me feel good about what I've done. It is not great art, but I did it.  This image is only three inches by three inches. Very small. Easy to cut a mat for and to frame. Very cheap to frame.