PTSD First Aid Kit

I started Chagall's world some years ago as a result of an injury that immobilized me emotionally..A head trauma. I have always used art as a way to heal from injuries that screwed me up emotionally. I had a lot of flashbacks from the trauma. And I started  Chagall's World. A couple of years ago I met someone who was able to put to rest some of the trauma. I had developed a need for a recovery program because of a much expanded world. I started going to recovery meetings. The more things I did, the more the memories of the trauma returned. I didn't understand triggers. I just did not understand in it's simplest form a trigger is just an unpleasant feeling. Very simple for me. My head injury made it very difficult to process instructions. I didn't understand compulsion,  which is basically the brain's way of calming itself. . A compulsion is the brain calming itself. Trying to soothe the memories and feelings in a quick way. The feelings associated with a trigger. An unpleasant memory that unleashes feelings that we want to get rid of. A compulsion occurs, the brain wants to shut down everything-fast. The fastest way is with a substance or a very startling act. Something much stronger than the feelings and memories. An act can be something like alcohol, sex, drugs.  Something to shut everything out. This is how addicts are born. At least that was what happened to me.
     I made a  first aid kit that helps me. Maybe it is that I have such a hard time processing instructions. It took me months to understand triggers. And please, this is my way of processing. Everyone's different.This seems to work for me though.  I made these explanations up because I could not read and understand.  I couldn't understand what people were trying to say to me.
       When I am trying to calm down the images and thoughts and feelings I must get grounded. So I write. And write And write. Until  I get the crap all out. I noticed a lot of time  I don't even see the intrusive images coming. They come so fast I can totally miss them.They don't tell me I am in trouble. A lot of people in recovery from addiction relapse because these traumatic memories start to come and they totally miss them. They are traumas that occurred in the past. The  things we started drinking over.  I could not understand how fast something could come at me in terms of old painful traumas. I started realizing I needed to calm down to process. I made my first aid kit which helps get me grounded and avoid panic. It is a little Altoids metal box. It addresses my sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing, and sight. All my senses. It grounds me when I am panicked. . I have an ipod that fits in the box, this is for hearing. I listen to calm music. I keep a small container of nutmeg in the container. This is to get my sense of smell in the here and now. It is a powerful smell. For taste I usually taste the nutmeg as well, it is bitter. For touch I have my recovery chip. It is bronze and smooth plus it is has a lot of texture in the form of raised lettering. Finally, the most important thing for me is a small piece of paper, a note that reminds me of my mother. There are words of encouragement. She has been gone for some time, but when I read, I get grateful. I remember what she tried to do for me. This works for me. I have a small, very bright colored pencil drawing on the opposite side. There are verses from the Bible. The paper is only 2 by 3 inches but a lot goes on it to inspire me about my recovery. This is my sight page.  Sight... Touch... Hearing... Taste... Smell... This grounds me. I can focus.
      All these things are in one little box so I don't forget anything. I always carry a little note pad. Memories come fast. I have a pen-all the time.
     My head injury made things very difficult. I have twenty-seven years free from alcohol this New Year's Eve. My head injury occurred 18 years ago and it has taken me this long to undersand in my mind what a trigger is. And what a compulsion is. Recovery is a life time process. God bless. Dale