Fruit of the Spirit.

                                                                                                       The Fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. These things seem so far away at times. I have a bad temper; patience is not something that comes easily. I get frustrated easily. I can be doing something and will just get exasperated because it isn't happening right away. My health issues seem to take joy from me. But even when I am feeling relatively good, joy seems far off. I struggle to keep my lust for material things under control and envy is a problem. Self-control would allow me to say it is no big deal, but I can't seem to get there. It IS a big deal. I have some gentleness at times but when the cat comes barreling onto my shoulder and sinks his claws into me I feel anything but gentle and kind. My wife tells me he didn't mean it but at that moment I just don't see it and I am incensed. He is a big cat he weighs almost twenty lbs. That may be an exaggeration, but he is a big tomcat and his claws hurt. Especially when I am currently dealing with my skin feeling like it is electrified. I threw him out of my room the other day and he was upset with me. But it was very difficult for me to say that it was an accident. The fruits of the spirit sometimes do not always come easily. Painting at least brings some of these things out in me. When it is difficult to see the fruits of a Godly relationship, looking at a sunset helps. Seeing a beautiful flower. My wife's smile can instill in me a gentleness that may not always be readily accessible. Just the idea that I know I am loved and appreciated is enough to stir many of these feelings. And that is awfully nice... Dale
( To see the image closer to actual size just click on it. )

Love & Roses

I did this rose in 2003. I sent it to my in-laws. When they passed away it reverted back to me. My in-laws loved roses. This week I took the frame apart and rematted the picture. I changed the background color on the rose and glazed it as well.
Today is a better day so far. With my illness I have to pace myself. Ohterwise the tendency is to have my body get very upset and achy. The pain can get very bad. Yesterday I just allowed myself to reach my limits. Today I got together with others and I went out to look at things as a diversion from my pain. Spirituality has been on my mind a lot . There has been this realization that it is possible to get my body calm if I take the time to communicate with a power greater than me. God. This requires a lot of time. I have realized that I have lost my center, the part of me that is alive and healthy. There was a time when I was always aware of that presence that is greater than me. I lost that. My recent illness is just an indication how far off center I am.
Those of you who have taken the time to visit my blog I am in your debt. It is just so important to me to share with my friends the gift that God gave me. It is humbling to know that it is not great art, it is just an expression of my love and faith. This gift kept me from going down a road that led to a nasty deadend. Thank you for being here and sharing this with me... Dale

A Rough Day

I took a bunch of photos today of flowers. Today was a rough day. I paid a large amount of money last month for medical costs and it is depressing. My health problems are giving me a lot of grief from the stress of mounting medical bills. Tonight my illness is causing me a lot of stress. I just finished my journal and there does not seem to be any end in sight of the sadness I feel. For seventeen years I have contended with my illness. It gets tiring. It seems that I don't have any answers. A medication I take has the ability to cause depression, it is one of the side-effects. I have avoided this effect for over a week but tonight things came crashing in on me.  The little book-mark I made says that nothing causes more problems to creativity and good judgement than bearing grudges. I am so tired of being poor. Medical costs eat up everything I have. I'm not sure who or what I'm angry at. My body perhaps. I used to go to museums all the time. I enjoyed cycling. I liked hiking. It has been years since I have done these things.

I am sorry to end on such a sour note. Hope that you have a great weekend.

May God be with you.... Dale

Cats and Roses

My blog goes forward... I have been enlisting the aid of friends to tell me what they like about this blog. It was meant to be just a place where I could share my thoughts on art and how it relates to my disability. I have been ill many years and it has been probably twenty-five years or so that I learned that art could inspire me to change. I have been ill all my life. Yet there have been few things that have kept me from at least trying to better my life...

Our cat, Little Bit...
She weighs next to nothing and is so graceful. She tends to be shy around me, she is definitely my wife's cat. I have a cat of my own. His name, appropriately enough, is Kat.

Heirloom roses. They are gone now, past their prime. My friend Elva and I came up with an  idea for a quote and a picture of the dessicated roses. The quote is: They're just so beautiful, even when they're gone. Elva pointed out that this would make a nice quote. I will paint a picture of the roses, a flower I love to draw and paint...

May God be with you.    Dale

Experiencing a Grace

A long day. I spent the last twelve years on a powerful medication that robbed me of a life. I was taken off of it in January because I could no longer find the resources to pay for the thirty tablets that cost one thousand dollars a month. Now I am sick. The stress of not having the medication kicked my immune system's butt. Stress. I have to figure out how to deal with it. I have shingles and they are the most painful thing I have ever experienced. They last five weeks and there can be plenty of complications. The pain can last for years ... I can go blind... I can have a stroke... I am working very hard to keep a positive attitude. I am  trying to visualize my body healing itself. The shingles running their course with no long-term complications.

     Someone today gave  me a Rumi poem and it is about how we were once destructive and through God's grace we have been turned into something beautiful. The shingles have the potential to change me into a better person. They are so painful. I have never experienced pain like this... And when your my age the chances are that you have been through some stuff. Actually, there have been a few times that have been very painful but not long-term like this...
     I have a kid inside me. The fish bookends are just one example of the things I like: bright colors and whimsical images. That is what I mean about the shingles taking me to a better place. My creativity will soar. When you are ill it is hard to create. I have always painted. Yet it is so much easier to focus on God's gift when you are feeling well. God willing, my creativity will reach new heights. This is a potentially frightening thing: perhaps the pain won't end after five weeks. Right now my back hurts so bad. Perhaps I will experience the long-term pain that is sometimes associated with the illness. Perhaps I will go blind...
    I choose to believe that things will get better. As an old saying goes: God hasn't brought me this far to drop me off. Grace is a free gift that God gives us. A protection.  A merciful reprieve from something that has the potential to destroy us. This would not be the first time I experienced a grace. I once spent a long time alone after the ending of a relationship. This period lasted five years. At the end of five years I found someone who has been with me twelve years. God gave me five years alone to prepare me for the most difficult and satisfying relationship I have ever had. At the time I hated being alone, but at the end of five years I made a wonderful friend. He was such a good friend that he was able to find somone else. That friend was me.

My Love Of God's Tulip's

This is a painting I originally created in 2006. I matted and framed it ad tried to sell it. I did not know how to utilize the color of the mat to best effect and I cut the mat wrong. It did not sell. The shop closed, my painting was returned. I love it. It is my first original work. Somewhat. It was based on a photograph of tulips. I changed the composition and the colors. What was once a nature photograph was turned into a watercolor painting. I try to get other's opinions but a friend told me that there was a problem with posting on my site. The name of the painting is: My love of Gods tulips. Tulips come up in the spring, I was born in the spring, very close to the time that tulips erupt from the earth. We have an affinity for one another.
     The book of James says in James 1:19: "Wherefore my beloved brethren,let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (KJV)  I am so slow to hear. A wise counselor told me to go easy on the use of the Bible, lest I appear a fanatic. Yet there are things that I've heard that I have struggled with. James said to bridle your tongue. 1:26   James said that speech is like a ship without a rudder. So my counselor is right in a way, I speak of things that I don't always understand... In a way I am a zealot. And I can be hard-headed, I don't always listen when people give me good advice... Apologies to someone who knows much more than I do... Dale

One Day at a Time

I went to the doctor yesterday and found that I have a new health problem to contend with. I had the opportunity a few days ago to look at this Bible  verse and I realized that I had not thought about the importance of the word "consider." And I started considering all the gifts I have been given: I can walk. I have a good mind. I can still drive a car. I can read. I can do this blog. I can see a sunset. I have a wonderful wife, daughter, and grandson. My blessings far outweigh my challenges.
     I am in a lot of pain and my new pain medication has a lot of side effects so I have decided to use an over the counter medicine for discomfort.  The funny thing about writing is that for some reason it puts me in the zone: I  forget about my pain. Art does the same thing. I said this yesterday, and it bears repeating,  "gratitude is a matter of perspective." Twila Paris. For some reason when I change my perspective I am better able to contend with a new emergency . But it can be difficult for me to focus on the positive when I am frightened. Being ill is kind of like losing control of  myself and if I'm not living one day at a time there is always the fear that things will continue to worsen as time goes by. But there is no guarantee of this.  It can just as easily go the other way: Things may continue to improve. The natural tendency is to get scared that there will be an increasing loss of control of my body. Keeping little inspirational quotes all around me reminds me to focus on the positive. This  does not come naturally. Internalizing  these little positive messages is a real challenge when I am  sick. I have to consciously focus on the positive message they hold. This has led to a long period of  attempting to comprehend the idea that I am in control of the way I  react to this illness. . For some it may be natural to go into a fight with all  their weapons at the ready. Some people are good in a crisis. For me it has been  an incredibly long learning curve. I think it takes courage and resourcefulness to face something that has the potential to harm us.  I am the kind that has had to learn to prepare for the battle ahead.  I hope these words will inspire someone else out there who is battling illness  to pick up the sword and shield and go forward into another day of battle. I once heard it said that  courage is fear that has said its prayers. In the words of Sir Winston Churchill:  "Success is never found. Failure is never fatal. Courage is the only thing."
  One day at a time... Have a great day and may God be with you. Dale

 (If you click on the drawing it will appear approximately life-sized.)