PTSD First Aid Kit

I started Chagall's world some years ago as a result of an injury that immobilized me emotionally..A head trauma. I have always used art as a way to heal from injuries that screwed me up emotionally. I had a lot of flashbacks from the trauma. And I started  Chagall's World. A couple of years ago I met someone who was able to put to rest some of the trauma. I had developed a need for a recovery program because of a much expanded world. I started going to recovery meetings. The more things I did, the more the memories of the trauma returned. I didn't understand triggers. I just did not understand in it's simplest form a trigger is just an unpleasant feeling. Very simple for me. My head injury made it very difficult to process instructions. I didn't understand compulsion,  which is basically the brain's way of calming itself. . A compulsion is the brain calming itself. Trying to soothe the memories and feelings in a quick way. The feelings associated with a trigger. An unpleasant memory that unleashes feelings that we want to get rid of. A compulsion occurs, the brain wants to shut down everything-fast. The fastest way is with a substance or a very startling act. Something much stronger than the feelings and memories. An act can be something like alcohol, sex, drugs.  Something to shut everything out. This is how addicts are born. At least that was what happened to me.
     I made a  first aid kit that helps me. Maybe it is that I have such a hard time processing instructions. It took me months to understand triggers. And please, this is my way of processing. Everyone's different.This seems to work for me though.  I made these explanations up because I could not read and understand.  I couldn't understand what people were trying to say to me.
       When I am trying to calm down the images and thoughts and feelings I must get grounded. So I write. And write And write. Until  I get the crap all out. I noticed a lot of time  I don't even see the intrusive images coming. They come so fast I can totally miss them.They don't tell me I am in trouble. A lot of people in recovery from addiction relapse because these traumatic memories start to come and they totally miss them. They are traumas that occurred in the past. The  things we started drinking over.  I could not understand how fast something could come at me in terms of old painful traumas. I started realizing I needed to calm down to process. I made my first aid kit which helps get me grounded and avoid panic. It is a little Altoids metal box. It addresses my sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing, and sight. All my senses. It grounds me when I am panicked. . I have an ipod that fits in the box, this is for hearing. I listen to calm music. I keep a small container of nutmeg in the container. This is to get my sense of smell in the here and now. It is a powerful smell. For taste I usually taste the nutmeg as well, it is bitter. For touch I have my recovery chip. It is bronze and smooth plus it is has a lot of texture in the form of raised lettering. Finally, the most important thing for me is a small piece of paper, a note that reminds me of my mother. There are words of encouragement. She has been gone for some time, but when I read, I get grateful. I remember what she tried to do for me. This works for me. I have a small, very bright colored pencil drawing on the opposite side. There are verses from the Bible. The paper is only 2 by 3 inches but a lot goes on it to inspire me about my recovery. This is my sight page.  Sight... Touch... Hearing... Taste... Smell... This grounds me. I can focus.
      All these things are in one little box so I don't forget anything. I always carry a little note pad. Memories come fast. I have a pen-all the time.
     My head injury made things very difficult. I have twenty-seven years free from alcohol this New Year's Eve. My head injury occurred 18 years ago and it has taken me this long to undersand in my mind what a trigger is. And what a compulsion is. Recovery is a life time process. God bless. Dale

Using Art to Face Your Worst Fears.

It seems to me that when we run into difficulty with a new medium we soon  give up if there isn't any real progress. Progress can be found in the affirmation of others. It is important that those we go to with our creations are those who are safe. We don't go to those who are going to reject our early efforts, unless we are quite sure that is what we are looking for. There are benefits to criticism I suppose, though personally I have found very little to say for the benefits of criticism. In my experience it benefits us to find someone safe. Someone who will be the kind of person who will support a dream. If we have a dream, it is important to find those that will nurture it. If you are looking for critical appraisal of your work, be sure that your self-esteem is capable of handling it.And be sure that you know that person very well and that their motives are clear. You want an appraisal, not someone's opinion of how they feel about art. It is a very important distinction.
     I have been drawing since I was about four. I'm almost sixty. When I look at my work I am critical. I spent about three months in art school. I left because: I was insecure. I didn't make friends easily. I was intimidated by those with lots of talent. And I got an attitude when I was given a negative evaluation. This is another reason to be sure of yourself when you approach someone who may be evaluating your life's work. What do you want from art? Is is just a passing fancy? Are you serious about it? Can you accept that where you are at this moment, that there are probably  going to be those better than you? Art for me is not a job. It is about a tie to someone I respected a great deal and who got me through some tough, very tough times. She taught me that art was a way for me to feel feelings and to be happy. IT IS NOT ABOUT SUCCESS. It is about, at least for me,  getting through some of the darkest periods of my life. It is about surviving in tough times and sticking with something. Everyone is different. This is my philosophy.
     The crucial thing about launching your first project: Be sure you are going to succeed. Don't paint the Sistine Chapel. Do something very simple. Be proud of it. Maybe even frame it. Make sure,unless you like challenges where you may fail, to do something easy. This goes with any project. Anything in life. Start small, build on success, and don't give up. If you have early success you are more likely to try again. I was almost forty before I went to my dad and got his blessing to make a career in the arts. Sounds ridiculous perhaps. Forty years old one should be firmly established in their career. Not me. I was just beginning to try something I wanted all my life. I did not do failure well. I did not take big career risks. I had success in art but like many artists I had a boatload of problems that I needed to resolve first.
     Rejection. As I write this I am thinking about those who are going to be critical of what I am doing. I am writing about feeling happy at reaching sixty and doing something you have been proud to call your life. It is not necessarily about art. It is about saying, I have been successful. If you want money the arts may not be the answer. If you want a problem-free life, art may not be the answer. Just find that thing that makes you feel a close connection to the Universe. Big U. You don't need to be religious. I'm not. But I believe in God. I know Something made me.Who this Something is I have no idea. I don't know why I am here. No idea. All I know is that Something loves me, has always watched out for me, and has always kept me alive. I have had broken bones, I've been divorced, I have been poor, I was a high-school drop out, and I was almost killed by someone who wanted to hurt me for a reason I do not understand. I am used to rejection. And in the arts you may get things that happen to you where you question the benevolence of God. But that is the price of growing old and sometimes doing things that sometimes fly in the face of logic. I lost a marriage when I realized my spiritual gifts were not the same as another person's gifts. It ended very badly and I sometimes regret my decision. Taking a risk may mean that someone will eventually not like you very much. You WILL be rejected. Vincent Van Gogh lost  his mind and realized that this life he made for himself might not have been the best thing. He was, I believe, almost forty years old when he passed away. As an artist he was rejected all his life. I have had periods where I lost my sanity. Only that still voice inside me got me through it, and many, many caring people. People I did not know.They helped me for reasons that I am not sure I understand. M. Scott Peck wrote the "Road Less Traveled."  When he was young he wrote that he chose to go into a psychiatric ward. It was a decision he made because he was being asked to make a decision that he could not live with. He eventually became an M.D. I decided that I would go into a psychiatric unit when I was twenty-seven. My mother had just died of cancer, my brother was extremely mentally ill, and I questioned my own sanity. It was one of the best things I ever did. I faced the thing that scared me the most at the time, going insane. I know rejection. Admitting that you struggle with fear to a person that has the power to change your life is terrifying. Especially when you have a family member with your worst fear.
   I have written a lot. I struggle with what I've written. Yet when I got older I stopped being so afraid. There is a Zen saying: If you want to get over discouragement, encourage others. My wife may have cancer. It was a thing that put me in a psychiatric unit when I was twenty seven when my mother died of cancer. Life has a way of testing our resolve. You see, as I said earlier, art is about getting through difficult times. I became a writer of sorts when I battled depression, my fears. Writing is an art, drawing is an art, learning to get through life is somewhat of an art. Winston Churchill said: "Never give up. Never give up Never give up." The president of my college said that when I graduated when I was almost forty. I had been a high-school dropout. Yet, I went to college and graduated with a two year degree. . You can do anything. Never give
up. God bless. Dale

Sgraffito

Natalie Goldberg in her book, "Writing Down the Bones" said that if we want to learn something, to teach it.This is not the first time I have heard this. So I did a second sgraffito work after I finished the first and had some success with it. I am not sure if this is legitimately sgraffito because I used scratchboard and layered color pencils over the top of it. I wanted color and I wanted a layer of white underneath the color. The composition was just me laying in a simple drawing with no clear design. There are no rules for the most part, though the design is asymmetrically balanced I think because it seems to hang together pretty well. Asymmetrical balance simply means that the elements of design are off center, but the brain perceives it as being balanced overall. There are three tulips, a sun, and two clouds.  If there was three clouds and three tulips, and no sun this would be symmetrical balance. It is perfectly balanced with equal numbers of clouds and tulips. It seems to me when I was in school that this was easier to explain. Perhaps diagrams would make it less confusing.  OOO is a balanced composition, or symmetrical. OXO is unbalanced, or asymmetrical. If you used a diagram like OXO, this could be seen as asymmetrical, because not all the elements are not the same but the brain still sees it as balanced. I had the opportunity to be a counselor some years ago and I found that teaching was the most rewarding thing I ever did. I hope that my explanation makes sense to those reading this.
     I used three types of scratching devices to do the composition. I used a scratch awl which is a device to make small holes in wood. It is often used by picture framers. I used a dental tool that I bought from ebay and I used an xacto knife with a # 11 blade. The drawing is done on six inch by six inch Ampersand scratch board covered with colored pencils. I have several pieces of scratchboard left, they come in packages of three in this case.  My next attempt will probably be to find out how to lay in colors like red and yellow.  It seems to me that Youtube is a much better way to do these demonstrations, but my equipment is limited. I hope this is helpful for anyone starting out in sgraffito and scratchboard. Good luck with your art. God bless. Dale    

Scratchboard # 1

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy,  peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22.

     I did this because I wanted to do something to snap me out of a dark place. Someone close to me is very sick and I'm having a tough time trusting in a positive outcome. So I create. It's not high art, but the word says it all: I find joy in creating. The time spent was not much but the results were pleasing. Art can be a way to forget that the world and its problems are sometimes overwhelming and no clear resolution is coming. I have been dealing with this problem for almost fourteen years and some associated  bad memories go back farther than that. This is my way of saying that I need God in my life and I need the joy he provides when I create.

     I did this on a six inch by six inch piece of scratchboard. The manufacturer is Ampersand. Scratchboard is a board with white clay on it and a layer of dense black ink over top of it. I used a dental tool that I bought from ebay for the scratch technique. The lines are ragged, this is the second or third time I have tried this media. I am very happy with the results because I was able to capture what I wanted to say. The work took about fifteen or twenty minutes. For me technique and time spent are secondary to the feeling I am trying to capture. Years ago I spent up to eight hours on a drawing. Today I wanted to get the stench of the hospital off of me and just pretend that everything was going to be okay. My attempt worked. I lost an aunt many years ago and she taught me that the simplest pictures could create the greatest joy. It is not about the time or effort you put into a painting, it is about capturing the innocence of play. It is about doing something new to forget that there are things that are out of your control. Learning to love what you do is the secret. Just being happy that once, sometimes a long time ago, someone gave you a gift. The ability to laugh during a time of hardship for just a moment or two. I did sgraffito for the first time this year and I laughed the whole time I did it. Find the thing that brings you joy. The Bible calls these things the fruit of the spirit. Art is associated with my joyful, childlike spirit. God bless you during this holiday period. And always remember that you are a gift. Art is a gift. You are a gift. Thanks for your presence. Dale 

Art as a Gift.

Christmas is almost here and my creativity has been low. I have a work to do for someone and family concerns have made it a problem. Sometimes in our dreams of achieving success with our work we can forget the bigger picture. Family comes first and work takes a back seat. This can be frustrating because creating a work of art is not like producing widgets. This art thing is part of us and it reflects who we are. At least it does me. When I paint well and I send it out to someone it always reflects my feelings about the person. Each artist does the best they know how and they have a goal of making the world a better place. It may not be high art, but it is unique and one of a kind. Once I was sketching at a local lake and someone walked up to me and excitedly said, are you an artist? I was tired and overworked and said, no. Many years later and I still think about this event. Some people look at art as a gift, it is special. I know it is, but sometimes I can forget what a spiritual blessing it is for me. And for others. If you believe in God, there is a tendency to see, as I do, that you have been created to make the world a better place. This is a philosophy that has come from many years of sacrifice. At one point I gave up a long term relationship because I realized that the other person's values had diverged from mine. If you are an artist, think long and hard about the kind of people that you invest your life with. Art for me is not a hobby or even a calling. It is an integral part of who I am. I put my partner ahead of my art, but it is a choice I make because I am able to make that commitment. Some can't. I can give myself to another person, but this came when I realized that this person appreciated my gift and knew how I could not easily separate from it. I wasn't forced to make a choice. Stay well and have a safe holiday season. God bless. Dale

Taking a Risk

I haven't done anything for awhile so I wanted to just check in. I sent in samples of my work to Recycled Paper Greetings last week. It generally takes three weeks to hear anything. It can be very difficult to experience rejection from someone. The best way I deal with it is to utilize a quote that Van Gogh used: "If a voice says that you can't paint, by all means paint and that voice will be silenced." I have been very fortunate with my work, most of the time it sells. When I have entered juried shows my work has usually been accepted. When I first started framing my work, the work sold. I'd like to say I know why, but I don't. It just does. I'd like to think for me it is a spiritual thing, send the work out into the world, and witness the good that comes back to you. It takes great courage to send your work out. It is a faith thing. You are risking a part of yourself. Some paint for money. Some paint because it is the only thing they've ever wanted to do and they feel as if they are sending their children off for the first time. . Art is definitely a spiritual gift that will get you in touch with Something Bigger than you. I don't know how Klee or Miro or Dubuffet sent their work out for the first time.  All painted in a way that was almost childlike. Yet they spoke to something inside each one of us that says, I can do that. It takes courage to risk sharing something so personal of yourself. Take a risk. God bless. Dale

Drawing with airbrush and ink

This is a drawing I did this morning to just play around. I have a Badger airbrush and small compressor so I decided that it was time to bring it out. I just wanted to see if I could get a line that I could be happy with. I used watercolor because I don't like inks and watercolor was very easy to use. I have gouche (opaque watercolor) but it dried out long ago and I  did not want to mix it with water. I used a Rapidograph pen to draw with. Airbrush can be very time consuming and laborious, but it is a great tool if you just want to use it for another effect in your artist techniques list. I know how to use stencils for the airbrush, a more traditional technique, but I find that I don't want to breathe in a lot of paint while spraying. Dust masks are necessary.. Another reason to use watercolor: less toxic. Stay away from cadmiums, these are toxic. I recommend that you read about safety when using an airbrush, they are more complicated than a traditional brush. I have found I can duplicate airbrush using a stump (a curled up piece of paper that sort of looks like a pencil). Also known as a tortillon. And pastels. My preference is Rembrandt pastels.This is time-consuming, but very simple. I use a pen and draw an image and then color it in with the stump. I use a circular motion and the nice thing about pastels is you can get exquisite color. At some point I may show how this is done.

     I'm not sure that if I will use a lot of airbrush, it can be tedious. But as I said, it is great fun. I bought my airbrush for thirty dollars at a pawn shop and a small compressor was 100.00. It is noisy but I don't use it often so I can put up with it.You can spend lots of money if you are a serious airbrush artist, so make sure that you enjoy it because it is definitely not for everyone. 

     Michelangelo said, "draw, draw, draw". You can buy a sketch pad for a few dollars and a pencil you can probably find around the house. That  is basically all you need to do something that has provided inspiration for me all my life. The great thing about drawing is that one can use it in all sorts of ways. My aunt provided amusement for me for many hours. She was not a great artist but she taught me to learn how to distract myself from uncomfortable feelings when I needed to. She taught me that art and drawing can get you through some of the most difficult periods in your life. It is just not about fun. It can also be one of the simplest meditation techniques you'll ever need. It is no coincidence that many of our greatest artists were also exceptional human beings. God bless you on your journey. Wherever it leads you. Dale

Drawing

Colored pencil rendering. I have been spending a lot of time just doing other things and really haven't had an opportunity to play around with colored pencil and Rapidograph pen. I don't think that there is a lot of effort in this but it is always fun. Just a way  to use my favorite scriptural verse, my pencils and a #0 Rapidograph. The pencils are prismacolors and this is done on very thin paper. There is always a need to burn off tension and this is one of my favorites. I just doodle and think about how to show excitement and exultation. If I had this much excitement this is how I'd show it. You don't have to be artistically inclined to just express feelings of happiness. When I went through a really long depression Psalm 118: 24 showed up in dozens of  my drawings. This was my way of saying that even if I felt bad I did not have to just lay down and let it overwhelm me. The depression lasted over ten years but I never gave up hope that it eventually end. Sometimes drawing is just a way to let out part of what needs to come out in order to feel loose and more optimistic. I always feel happier after drawing these little scribbles. This is done on a hardbound 8.5 by 11 sketchbook. I think the paper is about 65 lbs. I never knew that paper had weights. And it is what 500 sheets would weigh. Also known as a ream. Watercolor paper, good watercolor paper weighs 140 lbs. So 500 sheets would weigh 140 lbs.William Glasser, the man who wrote the book on Reality Therapy said that if you want to retain 95% of the information you learn, teach. I have always wanted to learn about design, the skill necessary to put together a good painting. If I wanted to learn about the components of design that go into a good drawing, I could teach it. Design is made up of different things. There is line. And value. Repetition. Unity. Texture. Balance. Form. Scale, sometimes referred to as size. Depending on the book there are other aspects as well. There's overlap And aerial perspective. Center of interest. There is movement. Color. Linear perspective. 

     

Creativity

Recently there has been a lot of time spent creating work and some sales at a local shop. Once a month I go to the shop and for three hours demonstrate my watercolors, pen and ink and greeting cards using pen and ink and colored pencils. Every month I have more sales, but by the time I'm done I crash. All I want to do is sleep. I never knew being creative could be so tiring. I am thinking about discontinuing the project. I have been disabled for a number of years and I do this mostly for self-esteem and an outlet for my talents. Family and friends are a big part of what I do so it be just as easy to just do it for the fun and not worry about being "on" once a month. What does an artist do to decompress? What do they do to recover  their creative abilities? Many years ago I did the Artist's Way book and this is how all this started. I found out by journaling I could find answers to conflicts I had and resolve them. The more I did this the more creative I became. Today I can paint every day but I get so tired. I am older now so perhaps it is just part of not having the energy I once had. My blog has suffered and I rarely find time for it. I have outside interests as well but these have suffered. Rarely is there interest on my blog so perhaps it is time to end it. I just don't seem to find the time anymore. Recently I began to experience more spiritual life but this too began to create time problems and I wasn't sure how to resolve them so I cut back on the spiritual activities. This blog has become more like a web-journal and I do not get enough time to really get to it. I have been thinking about joining a group of other artists to see how they resolve their creative impasses. Recently a group of studios have opened up in town and perhaps I can become part of this group. One thing is clear, this thing has changed for me and I have to decide where I am going to go with it. Do I continue and see where it leads and learn how to manage my resources or do I go back to a more spiritual path and find more time for a Higher Power? My family relationships have deteriorated and some perhaps irretrievably.
     One of the benefits of creativity is that it introduces you to something that makes you feel good about yourself. There is investigating the various aspects of design and art history. There is exploring new art techniques and the possibility of meeting people with similar interests. I have met many artists over the years but never really considered myself a creative type. All that has changed this year as long-ago conflicts have resolved themselves. More and more I find myself heading in this direction and I have thought that perhaps if things can continue to resolve there may be a return to employment. I have moderate asthma so I do have other issues  other than my disability. I have other health-concerns but with new creativity some of this may also resolve. Creativity is a wonderful gift. It is so nice to be intuitive and have ideas erupt out of nowhere. Some of this has left me. There is the danger of too much sugar and caffeine, these things stifle my creativity. They drain me. If others have ideas about how to resolve these issues and want to share your insights it would be nice to hear from you. Thank you. God bless. Dale

Easing the Load

This is Little Bit, our twelve year old cat. I haven't posted in a while because of being busy pinning on Pinterest. I have started selling my artwork and this requires more time as well. I was involved in a group for a little while but this didn't take. It seems that I am just not cut out to do a lot of soul-searching on certain issues and I found myself resenting the viewpoints of the people that were trying to convince me they were trustworthy.   I have an open mind to a limited degree but I have to believe that people have my best interests at heart. It all sounds kind of kind of cryptic I guess, suffice it to say that I am not ready to accept new information into my life when I am not sure of the individuals carrying the message. Call me cynical.

     I am a frustrated writer and I write-a lot. I found a book today," Inspiration for Writers." It is a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book. I love to write, as I said,  and I thought I'd give the book  a try. It is  wonderful. . I made it through high school and two years of college without learning much about writing. Yet my idea of heaven is being able to do something with my writing bug. I have a friend who has been pushing me to publish my greeting cards but there is just no motivation on my part. The book, 'Inspiration for Writer's is perfect if you have ever had the desire to see your work published. I must admit I am chicken. But I like to dream that someday I will find the courage. If you get the chance, check it out. I found it at my local library. 

     I just sat down and wrote tonight because I felt the urge to say that hard work pays off. My art has never been very good in my estimation but there are people in my life that truly believe in my ability. And it was a gift handed down to me from someone who was very special. That makes it important. If someone took the time to give us a special gift, at least we can do is use it. In other words, utilize the gifts God gave you. Even if you don't think much of them. Mary Engelbreit is a wonderful illustrator. Her parent's cleaned out a closet for her to use as a studio when she was a child. . She became a great artist in my estimation because someone close to her believed in her. Too many times in my life I stopped trying because I had no one to believe in me. But eventually someone came along and reignited the spark.  Today, many years later, I still paint. Many, many, years later. And I see the rewards. When I was very young someone showed me something that made me very happy. Art.  Somewhere out there is someone who needs to dream. And you could be the one who gives it to them. Never underestimate your ability to pass on your gifts to those who just might be ready to claim a lifetime of pleasure. We all want to leave a legacy and we all have gifts, even if we don't think they amount to much. A child sees a line and to him or her it is magical. The individual who taught me to paint was just doing something to distract me from a painful period of my life. And that gift is now almost 60 years old. And I still remember the magic. As I recall, the drawings were nothing special. But they were alive with meaning. Don't ever underestimate your ability to change a life. My aunt is gone many years but she will never die. My daughter is an artist and my grandson gets special paintings that "grandpa" did.  Claim your gifts. They may change a life sixty years later. 

     It occurred to me as I read over this that I mentioned being cynical in the beginning. We all are. Especially if we have been around a little while. Right now I am very disappointed that I did not "get" the viewpoint of the individuals trying to change my old ideas about certain things. So perhaps I am wrong trying to convince others to change a child's life for the better. But what is there to lose?  I am an artist and occasionally frustrated writer today because someone took the time with me. And I have the courage to walk away from things that could potentially harm me, (questionable people's viewpoints) because someone once told me, I trust you and I respect your judgement. Use your gifts. Please. Dale 

   

Gratitude

I have been reading a book on gratitude and the author suggests some steps to take to improve an individual's thankfulness. One suggestion is to be specific as possible. Rather than say my father did a great job of  raising me, try saying he  offered me advice only when I asked, he worked at giving me praise, and for making sure that I knew that he was proud of the ways I took care of responsibilities promptly. Another suggestion, offer a number of sentences of detail. Rather than say, I am grateful for God. Say that I woke up this morning and the sun was shining and the air was mild and I had a phenomenol night's sleep and I had the sense that God had created this  wonderful day just for me. The more concrete and detailed we make our praise the more likely we are to remember it. One individual had offered his testimony in the book and he admitted he had made some terrible mistakes and that he had no idea what the future held for him. Neverthless, he said that he had a motto in life, expect nothing, appreciate everything.
     I went through a period of my life that was filled with deep depression and a perpetual sense of darkness. As a result, I would often do long gratitude lists.  I had heard that certain Jewish groups have to do a list of 100 things they are grateful for. The first time I attempted this I struggled over the list a long time. Later attempts were much easier. Gratitude lists become easier with practice. One thing I noticed was how little relief they offered me. The idea of being specific and in depth offers me a bit of hope that my exercises in gratitude can improve. When I discussed my Dad's parenting style, this made me smile. My Dad passed some years ago and it is good to think about his efforts to be a good father. When I was sixteen he attempted to build my siblings and I a go-kart. He had problems with the clutch and the attempt showed how much he cared for his children. When the go-kart experiment did not work out he went out and bought my brother's and I a small motorcycle. Although he struggled with a large family he often paid attention to improving our lives whenever he could.
     Gratitude journals have always been hard for me. It was only on the worst days that I could bring myself to do one. As someone who was often the recipient of advice on how to improve my attitude while dealing with illness, gratitude was not easy. I felt singled out for harsh treatment by my creator. I thought it was unfair that I struggled with illness and injury all my life. I needed to be reminded that my siblings were not as fortunate as I . My illnesses carried the mixed blessings of being offered more than my fair share of attention. I became an artist, as many do, because of my many significant periods alone. Robert Louis Stevenson was often sickly and it was his  long periods of convalescence that gave him the opportunity to write his stories and poetry. So it has become clear to me as Twila Paris the Christian singer once said, "gratitude can be as simple as perspective." I became an artist because of illness. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote "Treasure Island" because he fought a long term illness as well.
      I have finally  made it through my long period of depression. Looking back, many gratitude lists certainly helped.  Socializing helped. Religion helped. Art helped. I am much more grateful today. I wake up in the morning without any dread of facing a new day.Previously, there were days when I saw no hope. I posted a sign where I could see it that read, you shall be secure, because there is hope. (Job 11:18). I constantly relied on the fact that the only thing I had was hope. There is an old saying that says we are to not give up five seconds before the miracle happens. Gratitude is a definite bonus in times of uncertainty. The lesson seems to have been for me to use every trick that you can manage to stay positive. Even  when it seems that positives are hard to come by. And to remember something that one of Abraham Lincoln's advisors told him during one of his darkest hours: " This too shall pass." Stay positive. Dale

The Spiritual Gift of the Steps. .

Spriritual gift-Art. Some years ago I got involved in a twelve-step program. I stayed with it 'til I felt that the issue had resolved. About five years. I learned the techniques and moved on. Julia Cameron was a twelve-stepper. She wrote "The Artist's Way." She said that if you followed the artist's way of working, you could get a handle on issues that were bothering you. One was was a technique called the "Morning Pages." I found that the pages worked and that I eventually found myself painting, drawing and doing small inspirational quotations with pen and ink and watercolor.. Anne Lamott is another twelve-stepper.  She discovered that her spirituality was found partially in the church. She discovered that her ability to write gave her the ability to pass along the message of recovery.
     The steps were discovered by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith. They work, and  the idea is simple, find a power that you can call God. Bill Wilson was able to stay sober because he found that if he helped someone else he could stay sober. He discovered God and that His power in the form of helping others could be the source of his sobriety. He helped Dr Bob Smith and launched AA. Spirituality comes in many forms. Some find it in church, some find it in nature. I found it in art. I create art and pass it on to others to show that if you can improve that  person's situation you can motivate them to make the changes necessary to find a power greater than their problems-God. Julia Cameron, when she wrote "The Artist's Way, " discovered that the spiritual power of art was a wonderful source of self-esteem. A source of power to change one's perception of his or herself . Art is a way of healing wounded emotions.
     For centuries men were able to use the healing power of art to say things about the nature of God. The beauty of His strength and power. People discovered that this power was not only available to artists, anyone could utilize it. And that they could use it to get in touch with a power that would heal them of their problems-whatever they were. The reason I bring up the steps is that it is a source of finding many forms of spirituality. For me, it was creativity. I discovered prayer and meditation and self-appraisal were also  part of the package.  Anyone can give up the negative power that is killing them and get better. All that is required is honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. I guess the reason that I am plugging AA and the steps is that they returned me to sanity. And as someone who has recovered it is important I pass on what I learned. I found that with pen, paper, ink, and watercolor that I had a gift.    Anne Lamott has became a wonderful writer who passes on the joy of recovery. Julia Cameron teaches that if we follow some simple guidelines we are capable of developing wonderful abilities. And becoming genuine artists. And finding that we have something to offer the world-if we only choose to try. 

Is art a commodity or spiritual gift?

Over the last few weeks I was creating almost every day. I was at my friend's Mark's house helping him to build a backyard pond. I noticed something familiar: I said to Mark, "you're having fun aren't you." The way he was lifting and carrying rocks looked somehow familiar. It reminded me what I do when I am creating a large painting and I am examining it from different angles and moving my head to side to side. It's fun. Mark wasn't moving large, heavy rocks, he was playing. When I was a little kid I did the same thing. I'd build kingdoms and fight battles with just toy soldiers and cardboard boxes.
     I have been going to church for the last six weeks. I have been to two churches and the pastor of another church came to our home to offer my wife communion. Each of these three churches had less than sixty members in the pews. It was startling.
     Painting the last few days has been on hold. From staying home every day I now find myself out and about every day. This blog had no hits the last time I posted. I have had no time to post. Someone once wrote that if you want to be an artist you have to spend lots of time alone. I just don't do that anymore. Artists spend time with other artists, but mostly it is a lonely pursuit. It is a very solitary experience. My friend Mark is another artist. He creates furniture. He used to make driftwood worlds for little figurines. When I watched Mark today creating, I realized art for me is fun. One day I took my work into the local shop where I sell it and one of the other employees said of my work: " That is the happiest piece of art in the shop." Art is a spiritual gift. The sermon I heard today was about artists and their unique perspective on the world. At the risk of sounding conceited it is like being tied into the creativity of God. This pastor said that artist's have a unique spiritual gift. Julia Cameron wrote a book about it called, "The Artist's Way." For me, this book did something to me that I had been able to do, but Julia Cameron showed me how to do it everyday. Not just haphazardly, but consistently. Julia Cameron had somehow found out how artist's create. And she wrote an entire book about it. It is old news now. The Artist's Way has sold millions of copies. Go to a site like Pinterest and you can see how many millions of artists are in this country.
     I haven't been posting my pictures anymore, I have been selling them. Not much Sometimes it seems art is not about money at all. You don't sell your favorite cake recipe, you share it with  friends. I give almost all my work away. I don't even want to sell it. It is just good to share an inspirational painting with a friend who is struggling with depression. But the tendency is to see art as a commodity. A way to gain fame and fortune. So often I say to myself now, I can't post this, someone will steal my idea. I gave my wife's pastor a work and she cried. There is a verse in the Bible that is Ephesians 6:8. It says that whatever good a man does for someone, the Lord will repay him in kind. I gave the pastor a painting and the next day I created the best work I have ever done. Now it is up to me to share this work with others, so that I can create more works. But it is scary. What about the money? What about the success that I have always craved? I don't know how to find out if others feel this way as well. I guess it is just a question that will have to go unanswered.

God bless. Dale
   

All things work together for the good.

 I just haven't had much time to post lately.. Every day it seems that the computer gets less and less use. Art still gets done, but I don't post much lately. Most of my work is given to charity or friends. Today was a warm day. Nice and sunny. I didn't go out, my infirmities kept me in. Plus there was work to be done around the house. This blog is coming to an end. It requires time I don't have. Electronic media I have less and less faith in. There's a spiritual world out there. No one comes to the blog  so I am not sure what the purpose is anymore. . Today there is a lot of fatigue on my part. There is a slogan that goes: H.A.L.T. Hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Today I am definitely tired. I am somewhat isolated and this colors my mood. I am struggling with faith in the idea that " All things work together for good." Sometimes referred to as it's all good. I get 2-3 hits a day on the blog and it seems that what I am doing isn't making a difference. I believe in Christ. I believe in the power of art to change our emotional world. I believe that God is the most awesome artist. There is a lot to see in this world and the complexity and diversity of life is astounding. He loves us and He wants us to explore His world. Thomas a Kempis said that we are to touch life gently and reverently, we don't know how long we'll be around and it is important that we take the time to examine it. I haven't had much time for prayer this week and I noticed things seem dark and ominous. I see many more threats than miracles. I see a threatening world and a place of much hostility. So I guess the angry part of hungry, angry... fits as well.
     Some years ago I was in an unfortunate event that left me traumatized. I spent five years recuperating.... The people around me were a mixed bunch. I was very depressed and lost faith in God and people. I used my art to post a small drawing of an ibis. The caption for the drawing said:  "You shall be secure because there is hope." Job 11: 18.  Though there was lots of drugs, alcohol, shifty people and temptation, I was never bothered. God watched over me as I recuperated from a head injury. Christ makes sure that we are not harmed as long as we do His will. I really don't know why I was attacked. I really don't know where Christ was when I was injured. Perhaps that is why I struggled with faith at times. " All things work together to the good..." It has been quite a number of years since my injury. I discovered I am an artist, I use art to process all my feelings. I can make time stand still when I paint. My art connects me with safe people, alienates those who would harm me. Art and Jesus go together for some reason that I don't quite understand. All that I know is it protects me. Perhaps before I was assaulted I had no idea how vulnerable I was to danger.
     Some years ago I had a friend that taught me an important lesson. She was going through a rough financial patch. One day I noticed that she had posted an affirmation on her office door. She was posting her belief that God would get her through this. For thousands of years people in Judah would post signs on their doorposts  that God would get them through rough times. Several years ago I started doing this. I would illustrate little signs like the ones in my blog. I would post them in my studio where I would  see them. This started something like the Ibis on my door when I was living alone. " You shall be secure because there is hope" God started working in my life when I started posting affirmations all around me. I sought counseling. I started going to recovery groups. I started praying again after years of not being able to. I began to read my  Bible. Recently I have returned to church. All because of a  little sign on a doorpost. Don't ever give up on God. Because He will not give up on you. God bless. Dale

Nothing Interferes With Creativity More Than Bearing Grudges

Hi. This little work has been around my desk for quite sometime now. It has become a mantra of sorts. I did it because I have so many problems accepting the fact that people  are all flawed and that it is important to not let anger at them build up. We do dumb things when we spend all our time being angry at others. It affects our judgement, it affects our ability to problem-solve. I know. But I find that prayer works wonders. It seems that if one spends enough time praying  for someone we can't stay mad with them. It appears to me at least that genuinely praying for someone's welfare makes it impossible to stay really angry at them.
     Art is important to me and though I am not ever going to be exceptional at it it has always brought me a great deal of pleasure. Ever since I was very young. So I always try to do my best with the abilities God has given me. And this little sign on my drafting table reminds me that if I want to be happy with what I am accomplishing, I can't have distractions by being angry at others. It is just not productive.
      God bless... Dale

I am a Christian

It has come to my attention recently how often I fall short on matters that are important to me. Faith is something that at times is sorely lacking in my life. Recently a situation has arisen that fills me with fear. Actually a couple of them. And I realize that I am not good at accepting these situations as being what they are. I know these situations are part of two problems that have been with me for a long time. I live in an urban environment and have most of my life. When I left some years ago to start over I returned and was the victim of a random act of violence. Now there is the potential to leave this area again and possibly start over in an area that is safer. Sometimes I regret my decision to return to the city. It changed my entire life. One person's crime altered my future permanently and now I realize that I just want to be free of this area. What does this have to do with my Christian beliefs? Romans 8:28 says that all things work together to the good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. So even though I would not have asked to be attacked, it all worked out. God gave me freedom that I never thought I would have had. Also I met a woman to share my life with who makes me happier than I ever thought possible. All because someone attacked me. And now there is the possibility again to move from this area and start fresh.  And it scares me. There is the potential for God to take me to places that I could only dream about.But my partner is happy here. We have lived in the same place for all the years of our marriage. This makes it difficult to move on.To trust God that some serious mishap won't occur again and lead to potentially deadly consequences.
     The other area I struggle with is trusting God that he can remove a flaw that I have battled all of my life. Or most of my life. Now I am directing my energies toward it and sometimes I see little progress. My faith is such that it seems difficult to believe that this area will really be an area of healing. There is a saying that is not scriptural and therefore has questionable authority, but it says that if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. And I have a hard time trusting Him to heal me in an area of my life that I have struggled with for many years. Yet for many years I suffered from serious mental problems because of the assault. Today I am experiencing freedom in this area since I recommitted my life to Christ. I feel safe again. I feel free. Yet, there is still doubt that this new freedom will continue.And  that my other  flaws  with stand up to Christ's healing as   well. God bless... Dale

Bird Boxes, Number Two

This is my second attempt at the bird boxes. Number one was a failure, and so was this one. Closer, but no prize. This is a homage to spring. Yet the dark blue does not conform to the idea of spring. My wife suggested more pastel shades and I agree. The quote popped out of me and I think it is a wonderful way to express the idea of the coming of creativity. The emergence of God in all His glory. For me, winter is my most creative period, but my thoughts are always on the third week of March... Stay tuned for attempt three. It will be less derivative, hopefully, and more in keeping with my expression of the vernal equinox. Stay tuned   and God bless you for following my progress at this thing that has always colored my world. Dale

Bird Boxes

A painting that was inspired by a photograph. The photographer is unknown. The idea came from a colored pencil drawing from 2000. I have been following an artist who turned professional four years ago. It is amazing the difference between the amateur work and the professional stuff. How does one develop the ability to create professional work? Many years ago I sold everything I did at one point. Now my work just sits. I know I have developed some lazy habits and find myself more interested in selling work than perfecting it. I'm not sure how to get past this. How did the artists who developed into professionals find the necessary spark? Was it always there? I am not talking about artists like O'Keeffe or Calder or Wyeth. I am referring to just talented artists. I am in a rut and I'm unsure how to push past it. Lately my life is moving in an entirely new direction and I'm not sure if it is a good thing. People just don't seem interested in the new directions my life is going. There are times in an artist's life when he or she must commit to moving ahead. But outside pressures create tension and unmanageability. There are distractions that take so much energy that work becomes chaotic and uninspired. One wonders if the art one creates will ever move beyond amateurish. One wonders if there is a good reason to push past the blocks.

    I recently found Pinterest and it is an incredible source of inspiration. So much creativity flowing out of this site. Many good inspired artists end up on the site. There is so much good work going through  here that one can spend hours a day looking and it can be addictive. Pinterest has become the place that I go to see work that moves me.

     Well, just wanted to post this work to keep in touch. It is as usual watercolor and pen and ink. I'd like to discover who the photographer was. I lost the photo long ago and I'm  uncertain where it came from and how much the art deviates from the original photo. I do like  the work and would like to do more with it. But I'm just not motivated. 

     Hope that everyone is enjoying a good week. This section of the country has been relatively mild. Potential for snow tomorrow, not enough to worry about. Take care and God bless... Dale

Sgraffito

This is my second attempt at sgraffito. It is kind of different from the first attempt that I made in that the entire time I was doing the first piece I was laughing most of the time. . I had wanted to do this for years and I began by ordering some used dental picks to scratch through the colored pencil image. It was not a complex image, just something I enjoy drawing, flowers. The sun and flowers are stylized and the composition is very simple. I decided that once I learned to do it I would try something more difficult. I found that dental tools don't work especially well but that an X-acto #11 blade does. So this is my second attempt and though I enjoyed the colored pencil drawing, the sgraffito technique did not work especially well on the back of matboard. My next attempt will be to use the dental tools on scratchboard. We'll see how that goes.
     I went to a shop on Friday to demonstrate my watercolors. I  spent three and a half hours working on one of my little inspirational drawings that was done in pen and ink and then painted with watercolor. The time spent was very exciting even though there was not  much interest. I was using a Kolinsky sable brush that I have had for years but I am not especially fond of. My other sable brush was forgotten in the rush to get out of the house. The Kolinsky showed me how to use it by trial and error. It is great for fine detail but not broad strokes. It is not stiff enough. I do these demonstrations once a month and I am beginning to really enjoy them. I never thought that I would get to the point where I would be able to block out the people around me but this proved to be quite easy. The Kolinsky brushes unwieldiness proved to be just the ticket... Well, I am sorry that I have not posted much lately. There has just been no time. Hopefully things will open up soon. God bless you for reading my posts. Dale.

Pirates

 This second ship for my blog  is another copy of a painting by David Shannon. It is done in watercolor and pen and ink. Shannon did his version in acrylic for the book, "How I Became a Pirate." I don't plan to sell this version I was just looking for a clear image of a pirate ship and Shannon's version  is excellent.Check the book out at your library if you have a chance, it is wonderful. I am not quite sure who the writer is. My grandson will be the new owner of this picture.. I posted another picture I did for him a little while ago. His mom requested a different, larger version. So this is it. I am going to try to find some copyright-free versions of ships for the purpose of scrimshaw. I bought some old dental picks to use for the purpose and a book on the subject. But I am having second thoughts. It all seems kind of complicated. Pen and ink and watercolor are my forte. I don't like handling sharp objects like dental picks plus they give me the creeps. Maybe I will stick with pen and ink. I am still considering selling my original work on Etsy but I cannot find anyone to give me a clear answer as to what the costs are. If anyone has any information,  a message to this blog would really be appreciated. Thank you and have a really good weekend. God bless you...Dale .............................

Scrimshaw

A while back I discovered scrimshaw. And with an eight year old grandson I rediscovered it. Scrimshaw is a folk art that sailors engaged in when they went  to sea to hunt whales. The sailors would take the ivory teeth from the whale and use needles to cut images into the teeth. Usually they were images of sailing ships. Since my grandson is into pirates I stumbled onto this folkart tradition again. This is my first attempt. I used a #11 blade in an x-acto knife on a wooden button. It didn't work out too well. I cut the image into the button and wiped india ink over the button. The idea is to let the ink settle into the knife strokes and then wipe it off. What should remain is the ink that has settled into the strokes. It didn't work out that way. The ink soaked into the wooden button and stained the entire thing black. The entire image was black and could not be removed. So what I did was cut into the button where the image was and the wood grain was revealed. Kind of like scratchboard or I guess sgriffito. Anyway, I kind of like it. I don't know what it would be like to carve into ivory and probably never will know. It is prohibitively expensive and protected. Many artists use bone. Lately I have had the urge to try new things. There is nothing like coming back to an old friend after exploring something new. I am going to try scratchboard next. After carving into the button I had a flash of insight that pointed to scratchboard. It is very cheap and it is a great way to learn more about values and reversing images. Art is a wonderful taskmaster. It is always leading you to new opportunities for growth. I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's day.  We stayed home. Hope that the upcoming year is a wonderful one.  Few years were as blessed as 2012 was for me.  I know a lot of people who struggled and were not fortunate.  Praise God, it was a wonderful year for my family overall. A prayer for all those who are glad 2012 is over. May 2013 bring new hope for our world.

God bless you. Dale